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REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART AND SOUL

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REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART  AND SOUL

Tag Archives: Psychology.

Book Review: “Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide To Your Inner Life.” Tom Holmes, Ph.D With Lauri Holmes, MSW.

05 Sunday Jun 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, Psychology, spirituality, Uncategorized

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Article by Yu/stan/kema., Internal Family Systems Therapy., Lauri Holmes, MFA., MSW, Ph.D., Psychology., Sharon Eckstein, The Parts Model of therapy., Thich Nhat Hanh, Tom Holmes

Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide To Your Inner Life is a fascinating book that illustrates the work done in Internal Family Systems Therapy. The Parts Model combines the IFS Model of therapy with the teachings of a Buddhist teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh. Tom Holmes, with Lauri Holmes integrate a client’s ideal of spirituality into psychotherapy using the Parts Work Model. Sharon Eckstein, MFA illustrates this model with illustrations that are eye-catching and entertaining. The book can be read easily by professionals and clients.

Tom and Lauri Holmes write that we all have different parts that exist within us that are shifting states of mind. Each part can contain a set of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur often in a pattern. These parts can be less defined or more defined in an individual. When trauma occurs, it tends to develop more strongly defined parts. Tom also states that a state of mind called “Self ” exists in an individual. A skilled therapist trained in the Parts Work Model can teach the ” Self  to take charge of the energy of these different mind sets within an individual so that a more balanced and effective life can be achieved. This is the goal of Parts Work.

Tom believes that severe trauma can cause certain parts to split off from consciousness and out of awareness of other parts and act independently, therefore creating an imbalance in how the individual functions in life. The goal of Parts Work, according to Tom Holmes, Ph.D is to get the ” Self” to help all the parts get to know each other, understand each other, and work together for the common good. The ” Self ” comes to the Center and acts as a conductor, bringing out the best in each of the parts to bring harmony and balance to the individual’s psychological system. Through understanding, integrating, and accepting all parts, harmony can occur. The “Self ” is able to transform the system. The “Self” becomes centered within. Some call it ” Wise Mind ” or “Mindfulness.”

The “Self ”  observes the different parts, works on the parts to accept each other, organizes the system, and creates a positive environment where negotiation, compromises, and goals can be worked out so the psychological system operates at maximum effectiveness over time. Sharon Eckstein illustrates the mind as a circle. The top part is consciousness and the bottom half is the unconscious where all the parts hang out. The top part of the circle is like a living room where hopefully the “Self” sits. Any part can show up spontaneously or the “Self” can invite any part that wants or needs to come to the living room to talk or even listen. That’s where Internal Family Systems Therapy is done with who ever is present.

This book is well worth the read. The pictures do a good job of showing how the Parts Work Model  is done.

Yu/stan/kema

————————————————————————–

Holmes,Ph.D,Tom; Holmes,MSW, Lauri;  and  Eckstein, MFA, Sharon. 2007.  Parts Work : An Illustrated Guide To Your Inner Life. Highpointe Dr. Kalamazoo, MI 49008. Winged Heart Press.                  .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shame And Anger Do Harm To The Soul.

28 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Poetry, Psychology, Uncategorized

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Anger And Shame Can Harm The Soul, poetry by Yu/stan/kema, Psychology.

Sorrow entwined with anger

To create a type of rage.

Despite what I’ve  learned,

I cannot turn the page,

Or put it in its cage.

Perhaps because I know,

Its turned into a flame 

That engulfs past shame.

I  know ” to rely,”

Is critical to growth,

Yet when I really try,

And open up my soul,

I’m told I want too much.

They can’t meet this need,

That I’m an open wound,

Part of my mother’s seed.

 I’m told I want a crutch,

That my effort to rely,

Is just a form of greed.

Impatiently, they sigh.

My self curls up, 

And I begin to cry

From trying hard to give,

From learning how to trust.

I feel my self die 

In many different ways.

I know that I live

With only half a heart.

Having a balance

Is a learned art.

Allowing time’s a must.

When I’m told, ” I fail,”

It’s not done with malice,

“It’s for my own good.” 

It comes across as callous.

It’s a ” this and ” situation

That tears me apart.

I’m filled with frustration.

I’m doomed at the start. 

It’s an awful sensation.

Yu/stan/kema.

 

 

 

 

We Are All Children Under The Skin.

28 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, Psychology, Quotes, spirituality

≈ 2 Comments

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Article and poetry by Yu/stan/kema., Children; The Child within., desires, Jim Morrison., Matt Kahn., needs, Osho. www.ElaineBrisobols.com, Picture Quotes -Beating Trauma.com., pinterest picture quote, Psychology., spirituality, The need to be me., True acceptance., Wants

Found on Beating Trauma.com on 3-26-16.

Found on Beating Trauma.com on 3-26-16. Matt Kahn

WE ARE ALL CHILDREN

Searching for answers; 

Hiding underneath our skin;

Dreaming of climbing mountains,

To see where we have been; 

Asking others questions when 

The answers are within;

Reaching for each other

With a child-like love;

Wanting to be  spirit,

And fly like doves.

 

We are all children

Wanting so much more,

From those around us                     

Found on Beating Trauma.com on 3-26-16. Jim Morrison.

Found on Beating Trauma.com on 3-26-16. Jim Morrison.

Who often ignore

The gifts we are giving

From the heart’s store.

Misunderstandings can

Hurt us to the quick 

When they fail to see

What really makes us tick.

 

We are all children

Searching for a dream;

Trying to be grown-ups,

And wanting to scream:

“Stop all the lies.

Life’s not what it seems.

Where is the laughter?

Where is the fun?

Where’s my respect,

When it’s all said and done?”

 

We are all children

Who want to be,

Our authentic selves,

Not what you see.

What makes it so hard                   

Found on Pinterest on 3-21-16. Osho.

Found on Pinterest on 3-21-16. Osho.

To allow “US”  to be “ME?”

Within us all lies 

The needs of our youth.

We’d be better off

In accepting  this truth.

Yu/stan/kema

How To Find Peace.

17 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Psychology, Quotes, spirituality, Uncategorized

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Breathing., Danielle Koepke., Eckhart Tolle, Facebook timeline photo quote, Finding peace., Learning to live moment to moment., mindfulness, pinterest picture quote, poetry by Yu/stan/kema, Psychology., spirituality

Found on Pinterest on 2-21-16.Danielle Koepke.

Found on Pinterest on 2-21-16. Danielle Koepke.

The wind blows hither and yon,

Bringing with it a fragrant bouquet

Of scents that stimulate my senses.

I am left breathless by the smells

That remind me of yester years.

Memories clutch at my heart

With cruel hands, leaving an imprint

On my unquiet mind and weary soul.

The memories come with both

Positive and negative thoughts;

A kaleidoscope of images and emotions,

That get in the way of living my life

Found on Facebook Timeline on 3-5-16. Eckhart Tolle.

Found on Facebook Timeline on 3-5-16. Eckhart Tolle.

Mindfully, moment to moment.

There must be a way to organize it all,

So that each stays in its perfect box,

Allowing me space to move and breathe

And find a place of peace.

Yu/stan/kema.

Processing Emotions, Sensations, and Thoughts.

17 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, Psychology, spirituality

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anger, Body, Breaking by Qinni., Conflict within, Dialectical Dilemma, emotions, fear, love, Pinterest photos., poetry by Yu/stan/kema, Psychology., sadness, Sensations., soul, Spirit by Maria Sophia., spirituality, The body, the mind, the soul, thoughts

Found on Pinterest on 3-16-16. "Breaking," by Qinni.

Found on Pinterest on 3-16-16. “Breaking,” by Qinni.

 

When dealing with a dialectical dilemma,

I find myself struggling with these emotions

That contend inside of me:

” Fight it or avoid it,” says Fear.

“Make something happen,” shouts Anger.

” You can’t fix it,” cries Sadness.

 ” Have faith and trust,” says Love.

 

Mind , body, and soul remain poised

Between What Was, What Is, and What Will Be.

Every thing seems to hang in the balance:

” I’m tired to the bone,” says the Body.

Found on Pinterest on 3-15-16. Body, soul,spirit. Mana Sophia.

Found on Pinterest on 3-15-16. Body, soul,spirit. Maria Sophia.

” Accept fully,” says Wise Mind.

” Let go, and believe,” says the Soul.

 

With all this conflict within,

How will it ever end?

 

Yu/stan/kema

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Book Review: ” Eve. A Novel.” Wm. Paul Young.

28 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, Psychology, spirituality, Uncategorized

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Adam and Eve., Book review by Yu/stan/kema, Book: Eve. A Novel., Man has a choice., Man's relationship to God. Trust, Psychology., Spiritual Journey., The Creation, Wm. Paul Young- author.

Eve. A Novel, written by Wm. Paul Young, is a delightful book to read. As with all books we read, we bring who we are to the table to read it. We find knowledge and meaning in what we ingest. This is my personal take on this book.

Eve is allegorical in nature and lyrically written by the Author who writes beautifully, and whose words dance and almost sing on the pages of the book. It is a tale about a woman, Lilly, who is found after washing up on a shore inside a metallic container with other women who are found dead. She is the only survivor and is physically, emotionally, and spiritually broken by the abuses she has endured in her childhood and up to her being found. She is shackled by a past she can’t remember and which fills her with shame. She is cautious, fearful, confused, and sometimes angry, but has no idea why.

It is a book that operates on different dimensions of time and space. The story moves back and forth through the past, the present, and the future. One gets the sense that Lilly’s soul moves free from her  body and travels in search of meaning and healing while her body is being treated for her physical injuries.

Lilly is filled with self- doubt, and helplessness. She has lost her purpose for living and her world has been turned upside down. She feels damaged as a human being, unworthy to even exist, and feels she does not belong anywhere. She is found and is nursed back to life by a group of people who are kind and caring. and patient. One member is deceptive and causes problems for Lilly, Simon.

Lilly meets Eve, a black woman, who tells Lilly she is her mother. The book also tells Eve’s story. Eve is presented as the mother of all, and becomes a guide, a mentor to Lilly. Lilly, Eve said, was sent to witness the Creation, God making Adam and then Eve,  watching their relationship with God, and witnessing how they both turned away from God. She observes the coming of evil in the form of a serpent, and sees how God handles it all.

At first Lilly rejects Eve, is distant from the people who are helping her, and is angry at God for not protecting her from abuse in the past. She let’s everyone know she is not religious, does not trust anyone, and she rejects her purpose for being there.

Eve proceeds cautiously with Lilly. She gives her support, comfort, caring, and helps her face her fears. She accepts all of the negative feelings Lilly has toward herself, others, and God. Eve encourages her to take one step at a time, to take risks, and become more confident in her ability to remember and handle her past.  Lilly learns she can be her real self without fear of being judged or punished. She strives to find out who she once was, who she is now, in the present, and what she is to become.

Eve, the book, describes beautifully the Creation of the universe, Adam, and Eve, and their relationship with God. The words of Mr. Young are so descriptive and amazing that the reader yearns to connect with God in a more personal, face-to-face way.

God tells Lilly He loves Her and wants a real relationship with her. She is told man is given a choice to trust in Him to make good on His promises, or man can turn away and trust only in himself. He tells Lilly that Trust is about relationships, not power.1

I highly recommend reading Eve. It will make you think about God, relationships, your relationship to God, and your purpose for being here on earth.

Yu/stan/kema

__________________________________________________________________

1 Young, Wm. Paul.2015. Eve. A Novel. New York, New York.10020. Howard Books, An Imprint of Simon and Schuster, Inc.

Searching For Peace.

02 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Photos, Psychology, Quotes, spirituality

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Being kind to yourself., faith in God, gratitude, happiness, Joy, loving yourself., Making changes., Melody Beattie., Overcoming addictions., peace, Pinterest picture quotes, Psychology., spirituality, Things you can do., Using DBT skills.

I think it is easy for us to get caught up in addictions without even being aware of what we are doing until it starts taking over our lives and changing the way we interact with people, or treat our pets. We get so caught up with the excitement, the distraction it provides,  that it seduces us. It is only when we realize we no longer have peace or happiness, that we come to terms with the realization something is wrong. Sometimes we even sacrifice pieces of ourselves to feed the addiction. We stay up late, do things we know damages our health, and we try to convince ourselves that what we are doing has great value to us. It also keeps us from taking advantage of all the things around us that we now have. We become consumed by the addiction. Sometimes we neglect family, responsibilities, pets, spirituality, health, and other relationships.

I became addicted to the computer, to writing. It was a way to escape my illness, facing my eight-hour infusions in the hospital every two weeks, my grief over losing someone, and having to deal with new changes in my life-style because of illness and retirement. So I decided to go two weeks without blogging. I set myself up with a schedule of doing things I did three years ago when I felt happy and peaceful.

Found on Pinterest on 4-1-15. Melody Beattie.

Found on Pinterest on 4-1-15. Melody Beattie.

I set myself up to read a devotional every morning and to pray. I stayed off the computer except to go through e-mails and delete the ads, and the political ones so when I came back in two weeks to answer the ones I needed to, I wouldn’t be overwhelmed. I watched DVD’s on T.V., but not many. I read the paper every morning. I took the time to go out and meet with friends, do acts of charity toward others, and do errands. I read books for pleasure and books for self-improvement.

Every day I tried to do something creative: write a story in longhand, write in a journal, and use my hands to make something. I spent more time outdoors. I increased the time I spent with my dogs and threw balls to them.

Found on Pinterest on 8-8-15.

Found on Pinterest on 8-8-15.

I made sure I ate two meals a day, slept 6-7 hours at night, took my medications as prescribed, scheduled chores when I had the energy, and had a small list of chores to try and accomplish every day. Social activities were planned every week. I used DBT skills to deal with emotions: distraction, deep breathing, self-soothing activities,  and I tended to my own needs. That was new for me. I learned to start accepting things I could not change and began to appreciate the things I have now.

I became kinder to myself in terms of being more accepting of my weaknesses, my thoughts, and feelings, and learned not to reject what was imperfect in me. The surprise was I found peace inside me by making me do those things which would create joy, peace, and good feelings. I feel more grateful for the things I have now and prayer has helped me feel more hopeful. The hard part is going to be to regulate my time on the computer so it doesn’t interfere with living, to finally let go of relationships that aren’t helpful in building self-esteem, and to improve my health. Peace and happiness lie within me, not other people. People can support you and care for you, but ultimately peace and happiness starts within you.

Yu/stan/kema

Book Review: ” Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse,” by Jennifer J. Freyd.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, photo, Psychology, quote

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Betrayal Trauma., Book review, child abuse, Forgetting., Jennifer J. Freyd., photo, Psychology.

Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

This book was written by Jennifer J. Freyd in 1996 when there was a fierce debate going on between professionals whether children were really sexually abused by adults or were they having false memories about what happened to them when undergoing therapy as adults. Were they influenced by therapists to unearth the past and make incorrect assumptions about the incidents recalled? The False Memory Movement was really stirring things up in the 1990’s.

Freyd quotes many studies that were done regarding forgetting, repression, traumatic amnesia, and dissociation. She gives definitions for these kinds of forgetting. She discusses defense mechanisms used by survivors of child sexual abuse. She writes about the three general patterns of traumatic recall, and the three primary motivations for repression: avoidance of pain, avoidance of being overwhelmed, and avoidance of unacceptable wishes. Freyd adds a fourth: the avoidance of information that threatens a necessary attachment. She  lists predictors of when abuse is most likely to be forgotten, and she  refers to Type one and Type two traumas. Freyd describes Van der Kolk’s Model of The Effects Of Emotional Arousal on Declarative Memory. She leads the reader through the different kinds of memory.

Her focus in the book is to present Betrayal Trauma Theory. She believes that traumas which involve betrayal leave serious wounds in the victims. That the traumas more likely to be forgotten are those in which betrayal is a fundamental component.”The more a victim is dependent on the perpetrator, the more power the perpetrator has over the victim in a trusted and intimate relationship, the more the crime is one of betrayal. Betrayal by a trusted caregiver is the core factor in determining amnesia.”1

She writes that a child wants to avoid pain (psychological as well as physical.) Pain is a motivator for changing one’s behavior in order to survive. Yet if a child changes his behavior, the perpetrator can become angry and threatening if the child tries to avoid contact or run away.  The threat to survival is real, so information blockage occurs in the child. The perpetrator, if a parent, has power to give out food, shelter, clothes, and other necessities. Without these, the child cannot survive. Other issues are involved as well. If a child must face the reality that his caregiver does the unthinkable to him, how does that affect his perception of the world as a safe place to live? What does such betrayal do to his concept of self-worth and competence? If his caregiver  sexually abuses him, there is shame, and if he fights against the abuse and is labeled “a bad child,” what does that do to his spiritual self? It makes perfect sense for a child not to remember, to deny what is happening so that dissociation and amnesia occurs. This is an interesting book to read.

Yu/stan/kema

__________________________________________________________________

1 Freyd, Jennifer J. 1996. Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Cambridge, Mass. Harvard University Press.

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