I'm sorry that your brother died. I know you carry tears inside. You called him " Brother" all your life. Your sorrow cuts you like a knife. He sheltered you from every harm And had a certain kind of charm. You saw his flaws but loved him so, And it is hard to let him go. I'm sure he's trying to impress God with his own worthiness. He worked hard to build a ranch And acquired a cowboy stance. Now it's time to say good-bye. He's ridden his horse across the sky. He knows he'll see you again And talk with you of now and then. -Yu/stan/kema-
Why is it so hard for me to let go
of things beyond my control?
Instead I keep fighting the losses
and end up hurting my soul.
I’ve had to struggle just to survive
each day that passes me by,
and I can’t seem to stop
asking the question, of “why?”
Most of the reasons are unknown
and I’m spinning my wheels in vain.
To love myself, I must let go
of unnecessary pain.
I must accept things happen in life,
and give them to God and let go.
That involves trusting another
and receiving grace, as the winds blow.
In life, we sometimes hook up with people who don’t understand us or get us. We can explain and explain who we are and what we are over and over. We can give them information written by knowledgeable people, and they still don’t get us. There are times when we mistakenly think we are worth enough, that they will grow and develop into the people we have come to believe they are capable of. We think, because they can see we are good, decent, reliable human beings and have value, that will motivate them to make the effort to get to know us and understand us.
But the hard cold reality is, the problem did not lie in us and it never did. Sometimes no matter how much we want to believe in someone’s capacity to love, to be fair, to be just, to grow professionally, we have to give up the hope of that happening. We do not have the tools to make that happen. That task must be done by them and they must use the tools available to them.
We can not carry their failure on our backs. Sometimes fear holds them back, or incorrect assumptions they’ve made about us, or they are not driven to be or do more than they actually want to do to just get by. When there exists such a value difference between two people, the chances of a miracle happening is small.
To let go is difficult when we believe in them. To walk away when we care is so hard to do. But sometimes we must move on, because we are worth more than staying to fight a battle we can never win. We are worth much more and deserve more than that.
I have determined that everyone is doing the best they can at the present time. I have also reached a conclusion that I cannot change that which is not mine to change. I cannot keep asking someone to be who they can’t be at this time. It doesn’t work. I don’t have control over any one, except myself. To be quite honest, there are times I don’t have control over me. It doesn’t matter how much I want someone to grow, to be all that he can be. I cannot set goals for other people. I cannot make any one do any thing they do not choose to do.
I wanted to work with someone I had come to respect and had a positive connection with. I knew things were missing that needed to be there-certain skill sets. I worked hard to produce resources. I gave out lots of information to explain the situation. I read books, trying to find answers that would help. I tried every thing humanly possible to make the situation work while battling an illness. I never tried so hard in my life to make something happen. I wanted to resolve some issues so I could leave my past behind. I came to the realization that sometimes, the past can be so powerful that it can prevent progress from occurring. I was convinced the kid,who came from the ghetto, could do any thing if she just worked hard enough.
I am finally learning that circumstances can prevent success regardless of the time and effort involved. I am learning to accept other people’s limitations as well as my own.
Sometimes life does not support you in getting what you want. God does not always answer your prayers. You have to come to the painful realization that you have to give up. You have to stop hitting a brick wall. You have to let go no matter how much it hurts. You have to find a way to admit to yourself that you did the best you could. He did the best he could, but this was impossible to do, given the circumstances. The little voice inside is saying: It’s time to let go.
Sometimes we have to admit defeat and recognize, we can do our best and it may not work out. Sometimes, our own needs get in the way of theirs or their needs get in the way of ours. There are times when communication cannot be understood or someone decides not to listen when it’s critical for him/her to listen. Sometimes, even when it hurts your soul, you have to let go in order to save yourself. That is the saddest thing of all, because in letting go, you can lose a part of your heart. This quote says it all:
When you have to let go, nature can be the thing that gives you comfort. Let the tears flow and let the wind dry your face. Nature gives us the message that with death, there can also be growth to follow.
She walked along the great sea-shore
Of Life with head bowed low in shame
And wished that she could once again
Recall the pleasure of your name.
But all was dark and black as night
And waves smashed hard against the shore
As with bated breath she heard
The soft click of a closing door.
It sounded like a tomb had shut
So quietly that few could hear
The last slow labored breaths of pain
Before the heart beats disappear.
Like a person dazed with pain
And weary with the weight of care,
She raised her eyes of agony
To clutch the emptiness of air.
You raised your hand with unconcern
And with one thrust the death-blow fell.
For her it was a living death!
Her soul drew back within it’s shell.
I find it amazing that the older I get the more I learn from books and those I come in contact with. When I watch others struggle and deal with events beyond what they can bear, and see them rise to new heights of courage, I am humbled and it gives me new hope in the human race. This usually happens when those who struggle learn to let go of the nonessential things in life. Perhaps because life becomes refined to its basic elements when the fires of hardship burn. What is left is: Friendship, Family, God, Nature, and Purpose. Jobs come and go. Money ebbs and flows, and sometimes disappears. Power and fame are transitory.
Love endures. Friends come and go, but the memories we have of them stay. even after they are dead or move away. We can carry their footprints in our hearts and souls, even when they are no longer with us. Family endures: sometimes with sadness, or anger, and often with joy. God also remains whether we want Him to or not. When we are angry with Him, or feel abandoned by Him, we still acknowledge He is there. When we are given to, we thank Him.
Nature exists. Nature reminds us of our place in the world, in the universe. Nature comforts us, teaches us, and sometimes, Nature hurt’s us.
Purpose drives us to reach heights beyond what we are capable of climbing. What will always exist in us is: a need to love and to be loved; a need to find God and be more like Him; a need to serve those who touch our lives, even for a moment in time; a need to grow in knowledge and wisdom.; a need to serve; a need to fulfill our purpose in this world; and a need to enjoy nature and become one with Her.