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REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART AND SOUL

~ Articles, Quotations, Poetry, Humor, and Resources to Feed the Hungry Soul..

REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART  AND SOUL

Tag Archives: child abuse

Fearful Things Can Damage The Soul.

20 Friday May 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, Psychology, spirituality

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

alcoholism, child abuse, consequences of abuse., fear, God, hurt, pain, Pinterest photo- Boot Sieking., Pinterest photo-Hubpages., poetry by Yu/stan/kema

In the stillness of the night,                                

Found on Pinterest on 4-24-16. boot sieking- girl with bunny. Rose.

Found on Pinterest on 4-24-16. boot sieking- girl with bunny. Rose.

I hear stumbling footsteps.

Cuss words hang in the chilly air.

Darkness greets my fear-laced eyes.

There is drunken laughter and

The stinking smell of cheap cigarettes,

 And throw-up, beer-tainted  breath.

I freeze and I can’t make a sound,

Hoping against hope it’s just a dream.

Moments seem to stand completely still.

My breath hitches in my small throat

And fear squeezes  my beating heart

With such a painful cruel twist.

Terror coats my mouth in sticky paste.

My fists clinch the covers tight and 

I can hear my raspy breathing slow

In the velvet darkness of the night.

A shadow, enters the doorway with a laugh,

And lurches towards the filthy bed.

The bed creaks as she finally sits,

Weaving, drunkenly, back and forth

Like a cobra does, before it strikes.

She leans over and says in slurred words,

“I love you,” unaware of her  cigarette

Burning, soft, youthful, tender skin.                               

Found on Pinterest on 9-21-15. Hubpages.

Found on Pinterest on 9-21-15. Hubpages.

Her teeth stand out in stark relief,

In scarlet painted lips that leave a smear

Of lipstick across my rigid face.

I pray silently to Almighty God,

“Please, make her go away.”

And mercifully, He does.

Yu/stan/kema.

 

Loving In A Time Of Hate.

23 Saturday Apr 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, Psychology, quote, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

child abuse, children, Facebook timeline photo quote, Loving in a time of hate., Pinterest photo- Child photography., poetry by Yu/stan/kema

She was four years old, someone said.

Her hair was the color of a raven’s wing.                                 

Her eyes were black as the darkest night.

If you walked right by, you could hear her sing:        

Found on Pinterest on 4-2-16. Child photography.

Found on Pinterest on 4-2-16. Child photography.

 

“Jesus loves me, this I know,

For my mommy tells me so.

If I am good, she’ll hug me tight,

Read me a book, and turn out the light.”

 

Mommy and I went down the street.

Mommy walked fast, left me behind.

I tripped and fell on my little seat.

Mommy came back. She wasn’t kind.

 

l cried and cried, and rubbed my eyes.

She slapped my face and called me bad.

“I’m not going to read to you, tonight.”

I lowered my head and I felt sad.

 

What did I do that made her yell?

I was trying my best to walk fast.

I don’t know why she hates me so.

It must be something in the past.

 

She entered the store with me in hand.

She went to the escalator and said.

“Climb two steps, and there you’ll stand.

I’ll come right back for you instead.”

 

I waited for hours for her to come.

I waited until the day was done.

Policemen came and took me home.

She was in the kitchen having some fun.

 

She told the police I had been bad,

That I had decided to  disobey.

So she left the store and went back home

She was going to let me have my way.

 

After they left, she laughed so hard.

I thought she would split herself in half.

I finally got it that awful day.

I was the object of her wrath.

 

I went to bed feeling lonely and blue.

I spent the night trying to figure out,                  

Found on Facebook Timeline on 3-24-16.

Found on Facebook Timeline on 3-24-16.

How to be successful winning her love,

And how to deal with all my doubt.

 

When morning came, I bowed my head

I asked God to hear my prayer:

“God bless mommy when she’s mad.

Help me God to be more fair.”

Yu/stan/kema.

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

Looking For A Safe Place.

11 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, Psychology, quote, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Asking for God's help., child abuse, children, Feeling fear., Needing a safe place., Pinterest photo, Pinterest picture quote- Childhood Trauma., poetry by Yu/stan/kema

Little girl, hiding

Out of His sight,

Trying to stay small

Found on Pinterest on 2-15-16.-parenting. Childhood Trauma. Everything you need to know.

Found on Pinterest on 2-15-16.-parenting. Childhood Trauma. Everything You Need To Know.

With all of her might.

She crams her toes in

The cracks in the closet,

Holds herself tight when

Someone has “lost it.”

Her fear makes her hide,

And keeps her quiet.

Scared out of her wits,

She doesn’t deny it.

She stifles her breathing,

And slows her heart-beat.

She covers her ears,

And hopes not to meet

The monster pacing

Outside the door.

Waiting to hurt her,

He can’t be ignored.

She asks herself,

“Where can I hide.

How can I save

Found on Pinterest on 4-2-16. Love-is-in-the-air.

Found on Pinterest on 4-2-16. Love-is-in-the-air.

My wounded pride?”

“There’s no place left,

He doesn’t know of.

I’ll dig me a hole,

Ask for God’s love,

And pray He’ll come,

And take my soul.”

Yu/stan/kema

 

 

 

Hold On To Hope And Life Will Get Better.

12 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, Psychology, quote, spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

child abuse, children, David Bowman, Don't be afraid to trust., Hold on to hope., It is not your fault., Pgrahamdunn.com, Pinterest photo quote., Pinterest photos., poetry by Yu/stan/kema, Put yourself in the arms of Christ., Tell someone., The future can be different., Tracy Tomsickova., Try and survive., You are beautiful., Your soul is pure and good.

Found on Pinterest 2-11-16.

Found on Pinterest 2-11-16.

Hey, little boy, it’s okay to cry.

Things will get better by and by.

As an adult, you’ll have a say

In what happens every day.

You’ll find people you can trust

In your future who are just.

You’ll find people who are kind,

And they’ll keep you in mind

When besieged by other things.

Learn to trust what caring brings.

Make life be as you want it to be.

You’ll be strong enough and free

To meet life’s challenges face to face,

Found on Pinterest on 2-10-16. Tracy Tomsickova.

Found on Pinterest on 2-10-16. Tracy Tomsickova.

And  live life at your own pace.

Tomorrow is closer than you think.

Keep that thought when it seems you’ll sink

Into the darkness of despair

And start to believe nobody cares.

Today hold tight to your self-respect.

Find someone and try to connect.

Tell your story to someone nice.

Be real honest and it will suffice.

Remember what happened is not your fault.

One day soon it will come to a halt.

Don’t give up when you feel the pain.

Just pretend you are on a train

That is speeding away to another place

Where God will bless you with His grace.

Imagine the things you might see

As you pass by mountains and the sea.

Pretend you’re an eagle in the sky.

Found on Pinterest on 2-11-16. Pgrahamdunn.com.

Found on Pinterest on 2-11-16. Pgrahamdunn.com.

Spread your wings and really try

To feel the wind beneath your wings,

And smell fresh flowers in the spring.

Remember always your soul is good

For you’ve done all a little boy could

To get away and save your soul.

It’s someone else who isn’t whole;

Someone else who is hard and cruel;

And someone else broke all the rules.

Some man damaged your kind heart,

And ripped your safe world apart.

So lift your chin and believe in you.

You are like the sky so blue…..

Rare, beautiful, and true.

Some man did what he shouldn’t do.

Nestle yourself in Christ’s strong arms

Found on Pinterest on 11-26-15.David Bowmanart.com. Jesus with child.

Found on Pinterest on 11-26-15.David Bowmanart.com. Jesus with child.

 

And ply Him with your sweet charms.

Try to survive every single day.

A better future is coming your way.

Yu/stan/kema

 

Pain Can Last For A Life Time.

10 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, Psychology, quote, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

child abuse, HealthyPlace.Com., Pinterest photo, pinterest picture quote, poetry by Yu/stan/kema, sexual abuse, Struggling to feel., Struggling to survive.

Found on Pinterest on 2-8-16. Boy.

Found on Pinterest on 2-8-16. Boy.

Little boy sitting there crying,

Why act like you are dying?

I can see that you are hiding.

You are scared of confiding,

All your secrets and shame.

You do not want your name.

You cannot trust a soul

To understand your pain.

You seek the dark to hide

The loss of  boyhood pride,

And eyes filled with despair.

There is no one to care

Whether you are safe or not.

Has everyone forgot

You are sitting in the cold.

You are only five years old.

You’ve  lost your innocence

And none of it makes sense.

Found on Pinterest on 10-31-15. HEALTHYPLACE.COM

Found on Pinterest on 10-31-15. HEALTHYPLACE.COM

Hush, little boy and cry your tears.

Fight to survive the coming years.

Yu/stan/kema

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

Book Review: “Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled,” by Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell. Part One.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, Psychology

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Betrayal blindness, Betrayal of children, Book review, child abuse, Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell., Part one, psychology, trauma

This book, on betrayal and how it affects the lives of those who have gone through this kind of trauma, is well-written and interesting to read. It deals not only with the betrayal of children who have been abused by their caregivers, but it also covers betrayals of couples, families, institutions, and society.

Freyd and Birrell write about the reasons why betrayal trauma is so hard to recover from and  how it leaves us with wounds that can last a life-time. The victim deals with the trauma of the event as well as the trauma that occurs to a person’s sense of safety and security, and self-esteem. A victim’s value system is torn upside down and everything he once believed was true is proved to be untrue. Betrayal attacks the very foundation that makes us who we are. It damages our bodies, our minds, and our spiritual beings.

For a child, a parent is there to attend to his needs and do for him what he cannot do for himself. A parent’s job is  to love him, brag on him, be reliable, and trust worthy. A parent teaches a child all about good relationship skills, that the world is a safe place most of the time, and goodness can be found around him. This builds the basic building blocks for a successful life.

When a child is sexually abused, his sense of security, safety, trust, reliability, goodness, and self-identity is severely damaged. He learns that pain occurs often for no good reason, that no one cares for him or his needs, that he needs to be watchful and protect himself any way he can, that he is there to take care of the needs of others, that his body is not his, that evil exists in his world and in his place of refuge, and he is told to not tell, to not cry by the abuser. Down inside, he knows something is wrong so he blames himself for not being good enough, for not being smart enough, or strong enough to get away. It must all be his fault. Somehow, he messed up or this wouldn’t be happening to him.

His perception of his external and internal reality becomes distorted and confusing. If he can’t get away physically, he will take his mind some place away from the abuse. There is damage done to his body and  the normal  development of his sexuality. It would make sense if he feels depressed, anxious, has poor self-esteem, feels confused, acts out his anger and fear, and can’t trust any one. It makes sense that in order to protect himself, he would not withdraw or confront his abuser who is bigger and allocates the resources he needs to keep alive. To deny his reality, to forget what has happened, helps him remain safe and lowers the anxiety. No child wants to see his parent as a monster because that would make him a monster too, so he thinks. There is safety in denial, forgetting, dissociation, and other defensive mechanisms he can use.

The draw back to this, Freyd and Birrell write, is the abused may not be able to discuss the injustice if they continue to forget and deny what happened to them. Freyd and Birrell define betrayal blindness as ” not seeing, systematically, important instances of treachery and injustice being done which ultimately results in negative consequences.” 1 ( Continued in part two).

Yu/stan/kema

__________________________________________________________________

1 Freyd, Jennifer and Birrell, Pamela. 2013. Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled. Hoboken, New Jersey. John Wiley and Sons, Inc.

Book Review: ” Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse,” by Jennifer J. Freyd.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, photo, Psychology, quote

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Betrayal Trauma., Book review, child abuse, Forgetting., Jennifer J. Freyd., photo, Psychology.

Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

This book was written by Jennifer J. Freyd in 1996 when there was a fierce debate going on between professionals whether children were really sexually abused by adults or were they having false memories about what happened to them when undergoing therapy as adults. Were they influenced by therapists to unearth the past and make incorrect assumptions about the incidents recalled? The False Memory Movement was really stirring things up in the 1990’s.

Freyd quotes many studies that were done regarding forgetting, repression, traumatic amnesia, and dissociation. She gives definitions for these kinds of forgetting. She discusses defense mechanisms used by survivors of child sexual abuse. She writes about the three general patterns of traumatic recall, and the three primary motivations for repression: avoidance of pain, avoidance of being overwhelmed, and avoidance of unacceptable wishes. Freyd adds a fourth: the avoidance of information that threatens a necessary attachment. She  lists predictors of when abuse is most likely to be forgotten, and she  refers to Type one and Type two traumas. Freyd describes Van der Kolk’s Model of The Effects Of Emotional Arousal on Declarative Memory. She leads the reader through the different kinds of memory.

Her focus in the book is to present Betrayal Trauma Theory. She believes that traumas which involve betrayal leave serious wounds in the victims. That the traumas more likely to be forgotten are those in which betrayal is a fundamental component.”The more a victim is dependent on the perpetrator, the more power the perpetrator has over the victim in a trusted and intimate relationship, the more the crime is one of betrayal. Betrayal by a trusted caregiver is the core factor in determining amnesia.”1

She writes that a child wants to avoid pain (psychological as well as physical.) Pain is a motivator for changing one’s behavior in order to survive. Yet if a child changes his behavior, the perpetrator can become angry and threatening if the child tries to avoid contact or run away.  The threat to survival is real, so information blockage occurs in the child. The perpetrator, if a parent, has power to give out food, shelter, clothes, and other necessities. Without these, the child cannot survive. Other issues are involved as well. If a child must face the reality that his caregiver does the unthinkable to him, how does that affect his perception of the world as a safe place to live? What does such betrayal do to his concept of self-worth and competence? If his caregiver  sexually abuses him, there is shame, and if he fights against the abuse and is labeled “a bad child,” what does that do to his spiritual self? It makes perfect sense for a child not to remember, to deny what is happening so that dissociation and amnesia occurs. This is an interesting book to read.

Yu/stan/kema

__________________________________________________________________

1 Freyd, Jennifer J. 1996. Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Cambridge, Mass. Harvard University Press.

The Search For Happiness. (Part One of Three.)

17 Friday Jul 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., photo, Psychology

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Changing one's circumstances, child abuse, child with courage., Hope for some thing better., Need for safety., Pinterest photo, Searching for happiness.

Once upon a time in the long, long ago there lived a sad-eyed child. People saw her as being a child, but she didn’t feel like a real child at all. She didn’t know what she was or who she was She only knew that people looked right past her and refused to see her as she really was. This made her feel invisible. When she was hungry, no one came to feed her. When she was thirsty, no one gave her water to drink. When she was sleepy, no one came to tuck her in at night. When she was lonely, no one came to sing  lullabies or read  her stories in order to help her sleep. Most of the time she knew,  if she wanted to survive, she would have to rely on herself.

When someone did address her, they would call her hurtful names like: “Stupid,” and “ugly.” Some times they would hit her or kick her for no good reason. When they thought she was very bad, they would lock her up in a dark closet until she fell asleep. Some times they would put her in a bath tub and pretend to drown her. When she came to, they would tell her it was just a joke even though it frightened her. This confused the little girl. She thought a lot and tried to find a reason why this was happening to her. She felt lonely, sad, and unsafe.

The days passed slowly. One day, she got up and wiped the sleep out of her eyes. She looked around her in amazement. All around her were walls built of stone. Someone had spent the night building her a safe place to stay. She felt safe and cozy, nice and warm within her world of stone.

The dark clouds above her hurled their thunderbolts. The cold blue rain fell upon her walls of stone. But they did not touch the child inside. She knew nothing could penetrate and wound her for the walls were high and the stone hard. The little girl felt safe. “Now, I will be happy,” she said softly to herself.

The little girl waited day after day for “happy” to occur. “I still feel like a zero,” she wept. There was no one to talk to, to tell her she was special or unique. There was no one who could make her laugh and dance and feel good inside. Soon, it became clear to the little girl that even though she was safe, her world had become  a dark and barren place. There was no excitement, beauty, or love. There was only  emptiness and despair. “Safety didn’t bring happy,” the little girl thought. “I am so confused.”

The more she thought, the more unhappy she became. “It’s time to change my world,” she said. Slowly she hammered a way through to the outside world. The darkness of the night was waiting for her, and her past surrounded her. She looked around and with a voice of determination said, “I will go on a journey to search for this thing called ‘happy.’ I will see the world.” She left her home and walked down to the road with courage in her heart and a song of hope in her soul. (continued in part two.)

Yu/stan/kema

Found on Pinterest on 4-5-15.

Found on Pinterest on 4-5-15.

Life In A Children’s Home. Part One of Four.

29 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., photo, quote

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Alan Cohen., alcoholism, child abuse, children, Children's Homes, domestic violence, Neglect of children., pinterest picture quote

Found on Pinterest on 6-19-15. Alan Cohen. Wisdom Bits.

Found on Pinterest on 6-19-15. Alan Cohen. Wisdom Bits.

Before the age of ten, I lived in a family filled with domestic violence. My father was not a kind man nor an affectionate one.  Life had taken away his dreams and he was angry at the world and resentful and abusive towards those who had taken away from him other things he had wanted. He was in love with someone else, but because my mother was pregnant, he married her. When the first child came, he took a job he felt was beneath him. It entailed hard work and manual labor. He worked with men he did not like and was sent home often for fighting co-workers. He  told any one who would listen that he hated kids, had too many of them,  and wished they would just disappear from his life. It was a rule in his house that children were neither to be seen or heard. When he came home from work, the children had to be in bed asleep as soon as he came in the front door. While he was in the house, they were to be in bed. He would eat his supper of meat, potatoes, vegetables and bread. He would rest a while, drink some beer, and then head out to the beer joint to talk and drink with friends.

My mother loved my father but knew he was seeing other women when he left the house. She would come in the bedroom and give her children pills to knock them out, and then she would leave to go down to the beer joint. The children had no supper and often slept until the sounds of violence filled the bedrooms. The parents would come home drunk, get into arguments, and scream at each other. They would throw objects, and hit each other with wine or vodka bottles until they both would pass out. In the morning, the children would find blood or vomit on the floor and empty bottles tossed every where. Often they were beaten if they asked questions, or asked for food to eat. They would grab some saltines  and run down the street toward school. The school lunch program for children in need would give them the only hot meal for that day. They rarely missed school because of that.

My mother would often leave for days or weeks at a time and not tell any one where she was going. She would just disappear. When she was home, she was abusive and she would sleep in bed for long periods of time. After a while, someone reported to the police what was going on and A Child In Need Of Care Hearing was held. My world was about to change in ways that would affect me for the rest of my life. (To be continued in part two.)

Yu/stan/kema

Mothers Shape Our Lives Even In Dysfunctional Homes.

29 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Psychology

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

abuse, acceptance, alcoholism, anxiety, child abuse, children, coping skills, depression, Domestic abuse, drug addiction, family, mental illness, Mothers, Neglect

Mothers who raise their children in dysfunctional homes have a difficult time dealing with all the stress that comes with domestic violence, drug abuse, alcoholism, neglect, and mental illness. These factors influence child development in ways we can’t even begin to understand. Families living in poverty and single-households have their difficult times, but many of them do commit to making the best future possible for their children. I have great respect for mothers that create a loving and safe environment for their children despite a lack of money or a spouse to help them take care of them. These are strong mothers , courageous women who do so much with very few resources.

When alcoholism or drug addiction is involved, the  home can become an unsafe and dangerous place for a child. Mothers who take drugs and drink alcohol in access, often fall asleep or have personality changes that can be frightening to a child. Instead of focusing on the child’s needs, she focuses on herself and may be oblivious as to where her children are. When personality changes occur, like a quiet mother becoming loud, obnoxious, or unresponsive,  the child often isolates, finds a safe place to go, and even goes outside away from the smells of vomit, unwashed clothes or an unclean house. Some of them worry about the mother’s health and so becomes the responsible one in the family, the caretaker of the adult.

The greatest fear is that mother may die or go away forever and leave the child alone to fend for himself. Often the child goes without a bath, and has to dress himself in unclean, torn clothes, and then goes to school without breakfast. If he comes home for lunch, mother is passed out or walking the streets looking for drugs or alcohol.. Money becomes tight because it will go to the addiction. The child will fix himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and head back to school. He mostly takes care of himself. Nice hugs or kisses are rare. No one takes the time to care for him. Since his environment is so unpredictable, it is hard to trust or rely on anyone but himself. He does not feel cherished. He feels like he is invisible, that his needs don’t matter. He is taught not to need, not to feel, not to cause trouble, There is little eye contact between the mother and child, very little affection, or affirmations of him as a human being. He is often forgotten. There is little communication between them. If any mirroring happens, it is negative messages being fed back to the child. Sometimes terms are used such as selfish, stupid, needy, trouble. The child ends up feeling he can never be enough or do enough. He will probably be anxious, have poor self-esteem,  and want to please others. Or he may choose to externalize his rage at being invisible, not cared for, and lash out at others and become negative or belligerent.

If there is domestic violence and mental illness in the family system or physical and sexual abuse of the children, they will have trouble trusting adults, have poor self-esteem, have symptoms of anxiety from trauma, or depression. There is very little affection in these families, or affirmations about the children. The children are often taught they are bad and many negative messages have been imprinted on their minds and souls. They have been through  a battlefield and the enemy lived inside what should have been their safe place.They will have problems in their relationships because of “wounded attachment” to their mothers.

Have respect and compassion for these children for they have been through a war and survived. Many used the only coping skills they had to make it through to adult hood. They are a courageous bunch of children, resilient for the most part, and having compassion and empathy for others. Do not pity them for they do not want your pity, but they will need mentoring, good friends, good therapy, someone willing to stand by them and believe in their capacity to love, to grow, to relate, communicate and contribute something worth while to the community they live in. Give them patience for they are in need of acceptance, caring, attention, and time. If they survived that, think what they could do if given a chance to grow and heal? Mother’s day will be hard for them. They didn’t get the chance to have all the things that a  caring mother could provide.. The greatest gift you could give them is to stand by patiently and allow them time to heal with psychotherapy.

Yu/stan/kema

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