Bradenton Beach Small Sunset by Rick Schwartz. Found on Dec. 12,2014.

Change In Relationships

Relationships are so important in our lives, yet a small part of us would like to tell ourselves that this is not true when we get hurt, or our expectations don’t quite pan out. When people disappoint us and we want our own way, it is so easy to give up and move on to someone else  who we think will give us what we want. When relationship problems arise that demand our time, attention, and self- introspection as well as empathy for the person we are in relationship with, we find that it takes hard work to stay and work it out. We think leaving would save us embarrassment, and life would be easier for us

Sometimes changing the way we do things, or say things, and even sometimes giving up some of the selfishness  we tend to insert into those relationships that truly matter would in the long run bring us peace. Sometimes we want what we want now, and we do not want to wait because we feel entitled to better. At least that is what some of us end up thinking  some of the time..

Love Story was a popular movie back when I was young and of course we all bought into the line: “Love means never having to say I’m sorry.” Now, I am an old woman and I wonder who was so unstudied to write those words. Little girls learn at a very young age that sorry is a very necessary word to have in your vocabulary. If a man wants to have a good relationship with a woman, he’s going to have to learn to say, “I’m sorry, I love you, and what can I do to make things better or easier on you.” Quite often what happens is the man vows to not give in and lose power in the relationship, or thinks saying I Love You is unmanly, and he tends to tell a woman how to fix the problem and points out what she did wrong. How he ever thought she would feel better knowing he was far superior in knowledge than she, and she could learn a lot from him in a parent to-child type of interaction, is beyond my comprehension.

The ocean reminds me of relationships because they also ebb and flow like the tide. Relationships are sometimes easy and sometimes hard and there are rocks and obstacles all around that can damage and destroy them. Sometimes those obstacles are dysfunctional relationship patterns we learned as a child, or  parents and friends that interfere when the couple needs to resolve their own issues.  Other obstacles that exist are: Lack of communication and negotiation skills, fear of one’s own thoughts or feelings, fear of loving another person without being hurt or feeling suffocated, fear of losing one’s own autonomy, resorting to violence to solve problems,  learning to deal with changes that come with old age, and learning how to navigate around illness and death. Relationships are never easy. They take hard work, commitment, and caring. The rewards can be  wonderful when these three elements exist in a relationship. They can also help create more peace between one another.

Yu/stan/kema