Tag Archives: Book review

BOOK REVIEW: ” When God Winks At You. How God Speaks Directly To You Through The Power Of Coincidence.”

19 Saturday Aug 2017

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Squire Rushnell wrote a book in 2006 about ways God communicates with us through circumstances that occur daily in our own personal lives. The title of the book shortened is: When God Winks At You… We usually think of God communicating with us through prayer or through the Bible.  What if God actually allows events to fall in to place at the same time we have a feeling of sorrow, anger, or fear, and we yearn for comfort or reassurance? What if in a moment of hopelessness or confusion when we are in need of guidance, a person, book, or sermon crosses our path to give us what we need? What if in a moment of dark despair, we hear a sermon on TV, or meet a neighbor on our street who renews our faith in God, or our hope for the future?

Could that make an impact in our lives and change us in ways that are positive and uplifting? Squire shares stories from famous people to illustrate this.

I have learned over the years that events seemed to happen at the same time in my life that became building blocks for creating, “who I am today.” At the age of ten, the courts changed where I lived. I was exposed to good food, clean sheets, a huge library of books, and a safe place to read poems and stories written by famous writers. I started writing shortly after that. I learned values from Henry Van Dyke, William Wordsworth, Emily Dickinson, Jane Austin, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and many more. I was given the opportunity to get a college education, which probably would not have happened if I had not changed residences when I was ten.

Through out my life, I loved to visit bookstores. While browsing, I have had urges to search in a certain section, or pick up a particular book, and know I would find answers to my questions within a book’s pages.  I earned a teacher’s degree and spent four years teaching children who lived across the street in the same children’s home I had lived in at the age of ten. Out of all the schools found in my home town, I was hired to teach in that school. Was it random or part of God’s plan?

Later in life, I married and had a child who would one day go to college and end up working for a company who specializes in making medications to treat a serious illness I acquired after retiring. I never knew I would get ill. He had already been working in this area, before I got ill. Was it random or God’s way of saying, “I’ve got your back?”

Time after time, things like this happen. I can feel bad, and look out and see a Cardinal fly up to my front porch and peer through my living room window at me, when I haven’t seen one for months. I can walk down the street and see a rare flower nodding to me in the wind. Is God communicating with me? I want to believe  that He is.

I just wish when I’m going through difficult times, I could remember to look for the good, the positive, the blessings I do have instead of focusing on what’s negative, or become so overwhelmed by emotions that I’m blind to everything else. I guess that has something to do with being a human being. I have the power to change that, however, if I choose to do so.  Reading this book is a step in the right direction.1

Yu/ stan/kema.

1 Rushnell, Squire.2006. When God Winks At You. How God Speaks Directly To You Through The Power Of Coincidence. Nashville, Tennessee. W. Printing, an imprint of Thomas Nelson.

A Book Review: The Girl Who Cried “Wolf!” Nancy Jensen and Nathan P. Swink, Ph.D

23 Tuesday Aug 2016

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The Girl Who Cried “Wolf!” is a book about a woman who traveled a long road from being an emotionally abused and physically abused child, to being a mental health consumer who had mental health treatment in both inpatient and outpatient settings, and residential group home placements, and who ended up as an advocate for consumers of mental health services. These consumers needed someone to speak for them and tell society of their needs, thoughts, and emotions while navigating the mental health system. Nancy stepped forward and was determined to be a voice for herself and the other consumers.

This book tells the story, from Nancy Jensen’s  perspective, of her life and the events that led up to her becoming an advocate for those with mental health issues. She describes her childhood and the influences of religion, abuse, family, school, and medical problems which shaped her as an adult.

Nancy had a speech impediment that affected her self-esteem, and her mother struggled with accepting her as she was. She was emotionally and sexually abused in her family as a child. Nancy suffered with severe depression which followed her most of her life.

Nancy moved into a communal house in Newton, Ks. after she found a job and left home. She moved back and forth between Kansas and Colorado many times, had multiple jobs, had problems in relationships, and then decided to live at the Kaufman House in Newton, Ks. The Director of the treatment facility was Arlan Kaufman, a Clinical Social Worker. Linda Kaufman, an R.N., worked with him. It was a residential facility for people who had mental health issues. Nancy said she experienced abuse there. She later stepped forward and told others what had happened, but no one did anything. She ended up hospitalized. She felt no one was listening to her. The book goes on to describe more hospitalizations, multiple marriages, having a child, and her continuing struggle with depression.

Many years later, she heard Arlan Kaufman and his wife, Linda, had been arrested for fraud, enslaving residents, and other types of abuse at the Kaufman House. There was a court trial at which Nancy gave testimony. The Kaufman’s were convicted and sent to prison.

Nancy went on with her life, and became involved in helping  legislation get passed in Kansas that would require Social and Rehabilitation Services to report complaints of abuse, or exploitation. If problems arose, an oversight office would follow through with it. Nancy became a Certified Peer Specialist, and she worked at the Center for Community Support and Research at Wichita State University. She collaborated with Nathan Swink, Ph.D. in Community Psychology, who helped her write her story.

This is a book which shows how depression can affect an individual’s life, but it also shows what hard work, appropriate treatment, determination, and good support systems can achieve in helping mental health consumers meet goals in life and become productive members in society. All it takes is one person reaching out to help another.

Yu/stan/kema

—————————————————————————————————                 Jensen, Nancy; and Swink, Ph.D., Nathan P. 2013. The Girl Who Cried “Wolf!”  Middletown, DE. Made in the USA.

Book Review: “My Precious Child. Affirmations for the Child Within.” Mary L. Williams.

22 Tuesday Mar 2016

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This book was written by Mary L. Williams. It is a small, thin book of positive statements that parents can read to their children. The messages can be easily internalized by children as messages they can carry with for the rest of their lives. Adults, who have been abused or neglected as children, can gain some benefit by reading these affirmations to the Child within themselves, as a tool to increase their self-esteem. The illustrations in the book are quite beautiful.

Reading to oneself can be a healing experience, especially if done repeatedly over time. One of the affirmations used in the book is:

“You don’t have to be perfect. I still love you, even when you make mistakes.”1

It is a wonderful message for a child to internalize. Take the time to read it. The book has a way of attaching itself to the inside corners of your heart.

Other books that can soothe, comfort, or increase self-esteem are listed below:

  1. Found on Pinterest on 3-22-16.

    Found on Pinterest on 3-22-16.

    The Little Prince. Antoine De Saint-Exupery.

  2. The Velveteen Rabbit. Margery Williams.
  3. Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You. Nancy Tillman.
  4. I Love You To The Moon And Back. Illustrated by Tim Warnes.
  5. I Love You Night And Day. Smriti Prasadam-Halls. Illustrated by Alison Brown.
  6. On The Night You Were Born. Nancy Tillman.
  7. God Bless You Night And Day. Hannah C. Hall; Illustrated by Steve Whitlow.
  8. I Love You As Big As The World. David Van Buren. Illus. by Tim Warnes.
  9. On The Day You Were Born. Debra Frasier.
  10. Forest Child. Marni McGee. Illus. by A. Scott Banfill.
  11. You’re Here For A Reason. Nancy Tillman.
  12. Follow The Moon. Sarah Weeks. Illus. by Suzanne Duranceau.
  13. If I Could Keep You Little. Marianne Richmond.

Yu/stan/kema

Found on Pinterest on 2-11-16. Sara Hadenfeldt. All Boy.

Found on Pinterest on 2-11-16. Sara Hadenfeldt. All Boy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 Williams, Mary L. 1991. My Precious Child. Affirmations for the Child Within. Deerfield Beach, Florida. Health Communications, Inc.

 

 

 

 

 

Book Review: ” The Betrayal Bond. Breaking Free Of Exploitive Relationships.” Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.

13 Sunday Dec 2015

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In The Betrayal Bond. Breaking Free Of Exploitive relationships, Dr. Carnes has written an excellent book about betrayal in all areas of life: domestic relationships, the work place, the church, friendships, litigation, schools, kidnapping and hostage situations, and other dysfunctional relationships. Betrayal has many faces: children being abused or neglected in the home, domestic violence, discrimination of employees and the breaking of agreements and promises made by upper management, sexual exploitation of employees, bullying and abuse of students, sexual abuse by church leaders, friends betraying best friends, cheating spouses, police brutality, abuses in the legal system, hostage takers playing mind games with their victims and making promises they don’t keep, and others too numerous to list.

This book is easy to read, understand, and apply to one’s every day life. Dr. Carnes defines betrayal as a breach of trust. A victim finds out he has been lied to, manipulated, or exploited by someone else. What he believed to be true is really false. The betrayer hurts someone who is loyal to him. A bond forms between the two entities. Fear keeps the victim in the relationship because of perceived losses, if he leaves. This can be the loss of a job, money, status, affection, protection, security, long-term relationships, the admiration of others, and the loss of self-respect.

Fear of abandonment as a child makes a person more likely to fall into a betrayal bond later in life. Past trauma can make one more vulnerable to being betrayed. After a while, the needs and well-being of the betrayed is sacrificed for the happiness of the other. Addiction to the betrayal bond can develop. Dr. Carnes writes: “Betrayal becomes trauma when fear and terror are present and the body shifts into an ‘alarm state.’ ” The person betrayed feels unsafe and anxiety is produced as he remains in the relationship. To stay creates pain, to go creates more pain.

Signs that one may be in a betrayal bond are: Constantly trying to explain to the betrayer that the victim is good, not bad;  that it is all the victim’s fault, and shame is felt for failing to live up to the other’s expectations; loss of self-trust and self-esteem; continuing to believe the betrayer will change as promises are still being broken; denial about how bad things are going; lying and justifying the behavior of the betrayer; inability to detach from the relationship that others see as toxic; the betrayal bond is intense and there is an imbalance of power in the relationship; and the victim longs for and misses the relationship after the other has left.

Dr. Carnes believes that if a victim wants to recover from a betrayal bond, he has to: confront his denial; stop lying to himself and others about what is really going on; stop justifying harmful behaviors done by the betrayer; redevelop trust in himself and build trust with others; and learn to let go of the relationship. This is difficult to do if much time, energy and money has been given to the relationship.1 ( Continued in Part Two.)

Yu/stan/kema

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1 Carnes,Ph.D, Patrick J. 1977. The Betrayal Bond. Breaking Free Of Exploitive Relationships. Deerfield Beach, Florida. Health Communications, Inc.

Book Review: ” Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled.” Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell. Part Two.

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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Freyd and Birrell  emphasize in their book, Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled, that unawareness is useful when information is too dangerous to know. Being blind to betrayal protects us. Our status quo remains the same if we do not know, and making hard decisions is put off for a while. There is a downside to being blind. We risk being revictimized and we risk a loss of self-esteem. Others can be victimized if we do not speak of the betrayal. Shame plays a part in keeping us silent. Telling others is risky, but you take back your power when you do. There is a chance for hope and justice when we speak. Betrayal blindness is not seeing what is in front of our faces. Others can see what we do not. Freyd and Birrell write that “betrayal blindness requires being in the dual state of simultaneously knowing and not knowing something important.”1  The mind does not process the information correctly because the losses are too overwhelming at the time. We need to see the world as a safe place. We need to trust people and we need stability in our lives. It makes sense for us to block awareness.

When children are betrayed, it is usually by being abandoned and left helpless, being rejected, or someone withdrawing love. Betrayal means to a child, ” I am not important, I am a zero in the eyes of others.” Freyd and Birrell  state that the child handles betrayal by turning the blame inward and blaming himself or not allowing himself to be consciously aware something is happening. This allows him to remain attached to the abuser.

Betrayal blindness often occurs in couples where one is unfaithful to the other, writes Freyd and Birrell.. To know is to disrupt the marriage, damage the security of the family, and destroy trust. To know you’ve been betrayed is wanting to withdraw or confront the betrayer. Domestic violence in the home can make these reactions risky.

Freyd and Birrell  state that betrayal blindness also occurs in institutions and society. Some examples I can think of are: working at a job where your contract is not honored, or being harassed by your boss or another employee. To speak up may mean losing your job, making others angry, or to be told you are overreacting. It may be impossible to leave because you have a family to take care of, or you lack skills, so you remain silent and start being blind to survive.  Another example of institutional betrayal is a child, in need of care, is sent to a foster home where she is sexually abused. An example of being betrayed by Society is: You are black. You are told you have equal rights and protection under the law. You are stopped by the police while driving and when you try to explain something to them, you are shot.

Freyd and Birrell do an excellent job in covering the topic of betrayal and how it affects others. I enjoyed reading this book.

Yu/stan/kema

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1 Freyd, Jennifer and Birrell, Pamela. 2013. Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled. Hoboken, New Jersey. John Wiley and Sons, Inc.

Book Review: “Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled,” by Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell. Part One.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

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This book, on betrayal and how it affects the lives of those who have gone through this kind of trauma, is well-written and interesting to read. It deals not only with the betrayal of children who have been abused by their caregivers, but it also covers betrayals of couples, families, institutions, and society.

Freyd and Birrell write about the reasons why betrayal trauma is so hard to recover from and  how it leaves us with wounds that can last a life-time. The victim deals with the trauma of the event as well as the trauma that occurs to a person’s sense of safety and security, and self-esteem. A victim’s value system is torn upside down and everything he once believed was true is proved to be untrue. Betrayal attacks the very foundation that makes us who we are. It damages our bodies, our minds, and our spiritual beings.

For a child, a parent is there to attend to his needs and do for him what he cannot do for himself. A parent’s job is  to love him, brag on him, be reliable, and trust worthy. A parent teaches a child all about good relationship skills, that the world is a safe place most of the time, and goodness can be found around him. This builds the basic building blocks for a successful life.

When a child is sexually abused, his sense of security, safety, trust, reliability, goodness, and self-identity is severely damaged. He learns that pain occurs often for no good reason, that no one cares for him or his needs, that he needs to be watchful and protect himself any way he can, that he is there to take care of the needs of others, that his body is not his, that evil exists in his world and in his place of refuge, and he is told to not tell, to not cry by the abuser. Down inside, he knows something is wrong so he blames himself for not being good enough, for not being smart enough, or strong enough to get away. It must all be his fault. Somehow, he messed up or this wouldn’t be happening to him.

His perception of his external and internal reality becomes distorted and confusing. If he can’t get away physically, he will take his mind some place away from the abuse. There is damage done to his body and  the normal  development of his sexuality. It would make sense if he feels depressed, anxious, has poor self-esteem, feels confused, acts out his anger and fear, and can’t trust any one. It makes sense that in order to protect himself, he would not withdraw or confront his abuser who is bigger and allocates the resources he needs to keep alive. To deny his reality, to forget what has happened, helps him remain safe and lowers the anxiety. No child wants to see his parent as a monster because that would make him a monster too, so he thinks. There is safety in denial, forgetting, dissociation, and other defensive mechanisms he can use.

The draw back to this, Freyd and Birrell write, is the abused may not be able to discuss the injustice if they continue to forget and deny what happened to them. Freyd and Birrell define betrayal blindness as ” not seeing, systematically, important instances of treachery and injustice being done which ultimately results in negative consequences.” 1 ( Continued in part two).

Yu/stan/kema

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1 Freyd, Jennifer and Birrell, Pamela. 2013. Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled. Hoboken, New Jersey. John Wiley and Sons, Inc.

Book Review: ” Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse,” by Jennifer J. Freyd.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

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Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

This book was written by Jennifer J. Freyd in 1996 when there was a fierce debate going on between professionals whether children were really sexually abused by adults or were they having false memories about what happened to them when undergoing therapy as adults. Were they influenced by therapists to unearth the past and make incorrect assumptions about the incidents recalled? The False Memory Movement was really stirring things up in the 1990’s.

Freyd quotes many studies that were done regarding forgetting, repression, traumatic amnesia, and dissociation. She gives definitions for these kinds of forgetting. She discusses defense mechanisms used by survivors of child sexual abuse. She writes about the three general patterns of traumatic recall, and the three primary motivations for repression: avoidance of pain, avoidance of being overwhelmed, and avoidance of unacceptable wishes. Freyd adds a fourth: the avoidance of information that threatens a necessary attachment. She  lists predictors of when abuse is most likely to be forgotten, and she  refers to Type one and Type two traumas. Freyd describes Van der Kolk’s Model of The Effects Of Emotional Arousal on Declarative Memory. She leads the reader through the different kinds of memory.

Her focus in the book is to present Betrayal Trauma Theory. She believes that traumas which involve betrayal leave serious wounds in the victims. That the traumas more likely to be forgotten are those in which betrayal is a fundamental component.”The more a victim is dependent on the perpetrator, the more power the perpetrator has over the victim in a trusted and intimate relationship, the more the crime is one of betrayal. Betrayal by a trusted caregiver is the core factor in determining amnesia.”1

She writes that a child wants to avoid pain (psychological as well as physical.) Pain is a motivator for changing one’s behavior in order to survive. Yet if a child changes his behavior, the perpetrator can become angry and threatening if the child tries to avoid contact or run away.  The threat to survival is real, so information blockage occurs in the child. The perpetrator, if a parent, has power to give out food, shelter, clothes, and other necessities. Without these, the child cannot survive. Other issues are involved as well. If a child must face the reality that his caregiver does the unthinkable to him, how does that affect his perception of the world as a safe place to live? What does such betrayal do to his concept of self-worth and competence? If his caregiver  sexually abuses him, there is shame, and if he fights against the abuse and is labeled “a bad child,” what does that do to his spiritual self? It makes perfect sense for a child not to remember, to deny what is happening so that dissociation and amnesia occurs. This is an interesting book to read.

Yu/stan/kema

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1 Freyd, Jennifer J. 1996. Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Cambridge, Mass. Harvard University Press.

Book Review: “In The Garden Of Happiness” by Dodinsky.

14 Tuesday Apr 2015

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One of my favorite activities is to visit Barnes and Noble. There is something about books that mesmerize me. It’s like here, within these walls, stands a fountain of knowledge, inspiration, and excitement. You are taken to places you’ve never been, shared thoughts and feelings with someone you’ve never met, but the intimacy you enjoy makes you feel you are similar in spirit.

Found on Google+ on 11-4-14. I-love-to-read

Found on Google+ on 11-4-14. I-love-to-read

Before the age of ten, i never had access to a book except at school. Then my world opened up at the age of ten and I was taken to the public library, the school library, and a private library which was filled with World War I and World War II Surgery Books which I read cover to cover. There were a slew of books on psychiatry and I read the works of Karen Horney, Harry Stack Sullivan, Freud, and Jung. I read books by Gene Stratton Porter, Albert Terhune’s dog stories, and hundreds of other books of fiction. From the public library, week after week. I would check out 10 + books a week. I could not seem to  read enough. The more I read, the hungrier I became.

I feel such joy in a book store. I feel so much excitement. For me, it’s like the feeling one has when coming home after being away for a long period of time. I feel like I belong there. Today, I was going through the self-help books and psychology books and found a treasure of a book: ” In The Garden of Happiness,” written by Dodinsky and illustrated by Ignacio G. It is a book written for any one who has ever lost his/her  inner child.. It is a book of comfort and is full of positive affirmations as well as ideas for coping with painful emotions and stressors. An excerpt from the book reads, ” Whenever you manage to smile in spite of the hardships you’re facing, it means your soul is refusing to be a prisoner of your own sorrows.” Published in 2015 by source books. The illustrations are really fantastic.

Yu/stan/kema