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REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART AND SOUL

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REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART  AND SOUL

Tag Archives: Article written by Yu/stan/kema

The Heart Of A Child.

14 Monday Aug 2017

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., photo, Poetry, Psychology, quote, spirituality

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Article written by Yu/stan/kema, characteristics of children, Pinterest photo quote by Cristen Rogers., Raising my son., The heart of a child, The power of nature.

 

Found on Pinterest on 8-13-17. Children. Cristen Rogers. s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com.

THE HEART OF A CHILD

When my son was born, many years ago, it was one of the happiest days of my life. I loved his dark hair, his tiny toes and fingers, his mouth that was no bigger than a cheerio. God entrusted me with his care which was a serious matter to me.

As he grew older, he was alert, curious, and loved to create things with his hands. I gave him all kinds of paper, fabric, materials from nature, scissors, pencils, and glue. I was fascinated by the things he made when he  was two.

By the time he was three, he planted seeds outdoors  and watched his plants grow. We’d go to parks, lakes, and mountains, and he learned the names of trees, flowers, and bushes. We chased butterflies, observed bugs, and raised vegetables. He made a bog, reading books on how to do it. He planted bog plants and grew Lotus flowers the size of his dad’s hand. They were beautiful.

I loved watching his face light up, and his eagerness to experience the magic and wonder in nature. I never got tired of spending time with him. I enjoyed being a part of his life.

Children are special creatures. They laugh, giggle, and cry in the space of a minute. They love unconditionally. They believe in fairness, and like taking risks in life.

Where ever I go, I enjoy watching babies. I smile and they smile back, as I play peek-a-boo with them. I strike up conversations when I see a child smiling at me. Children tell such funny stories.

I love the poems of Cristen Rogers. She captures the magic of children in a poem she wrote. I’ve included it in my blog. Enjoy.

Yu/stan/kema.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Protecting The Gift God Bestows Upon Us.

24 Monday Jul 2017

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., photo, spirituality

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Article written by Yu/stan/kema, Facebook Timeline photo- Dorsey Davis., Gallery 45 Photography, LLC. Country and Farm Photography., Nature brings us close to God., Nature is God's gift to us., Nature soothes and comforts us., Nature teaches us valuable lessons., Our task is to protect Nature.

We live in strange times when greed seems to be clouding our judgment and attacking our sense of morality. We forget that we enjoy wonderful gifts from God the moment we open our eyes in the morning and close our eyes at night. All we have to do is look, listen, taste, and feel nature all around us.

Nature teaches us all about God, relationships, and it can teach us a lot about ourselves. Nature is a wonderful teacher if we just take the time to sit in silence and listen to her. We can choose to do so, and when we do, we are not disappointed. The sun rises and sets everyday. The moon rises and goes down. The stars remain constant. They teach us God is constant and faithful.

The seasons in Nature teach us of the cycles of life. There is a seed; a time of growing and developing; a time to mature and do what something was meant to do; a time to grow old and lose parts of itself, a time to die; and a rebirth. We live this cycle as human beings, and so does a tree, a flower, a stream. It is through Nature’s cycles, that we learn we will be reborn after dying. Even after death, life can begin again.

Nature teaches us to listen, to see, to observe. It enables us to see the majesty of God, the wonder of Him. It reflects His power and reveals universal signs of intelligence. Nature soothes and comforts us. We learn from Nature there are good things in life and bad things. They both exist. We see a steam can be gentle and soothing to our senses, but a stream can grow in volume to become a flood that can cause destruction.

We must not destroy the wild places, the great forests and canyons, the clean streams, magnificent mountains, and teeming valleys. They have lessons to teach and we must safe guard these gifts for our children and grandchildren. For Nature teaches us humility, trust, faith, and most of all, hope in the future. God has told us to take care of His creation. It is our task to do so.

Yu/stan/kema

Found on Facebook Timeline 2-8-17. Dorsey Davis, photographer. Gallery 45 Photography, LLC. Country and Farm Photography shared photo.

 

 

 

Wild Geese Need To Be Free.

17 Monday Jul 2017

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., photo, Poetry, spirituality

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"Wild Geese."- poem., Also found on Face book.com, Article written by Yu/stan/kema, People need to be free., Pinterest photo-Tammikuun Aurinko., Wild geese are free., Written by Elinor Chipp.

There is nothing on earth like seeing and hearing wild geese fly by. There is something in the way they fly that tugs your heart out of your chest, and leaves you aching to fly with them. I hear them honking from a distance, and I drop everything and run outside with my face turned up to the sky. I wait with a hitch in my throat and a longing I can never get rid of. They come into view with their wings flapping, their long necks outstretched.The honking has a ring of joy and freedom to it. They fly without hesitation, using instinct to guide them home. There has never been a single time when my heart does not tug to follow them. I stand like one carved out of stone, not moving a muscle, even when I can no longer see or hear them. The wonder is so incredible, I stand transfixed for a long time, staring at the horizon.

Yu/stan/kema.

I read the following poem recently about a woman’s experience with the wild geese:

WILD GEESE

I heard the wild geese flying                          

Found on Pinterest on 12-20-16 and facebook.com. Tammikuun Aurinko.

In the dead of the night,        

With beat of wings and crying

I heard the wild geese flying.

And dreams in my heart sighing

Followed their northward flight.

I heard the wild geese flying

In the dead of the night.

ELINOR CHIPP.

Living In A World Of Infusions. Part One.

01 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Psychology

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Article written by Yu/stan/kema, chronic illness., Difficulties, Immune Disorders., IV infusions, Lessons learned., Living with, Part one

When I was first told I would have to have infusions for the rest of my life, because I was low on antibodies, I knew someone had made a mistake. I was in the hospital with pneumonia at the time. My Dr. said, because I was older, my body had stopped producing enough antibodies to fight off germs. He remarked, ” that happens a lot after the age of 60.” I went home, and he did more testing. The test results indicated I did have something wrong with my immune system.

He told me there was only one treatment for this illness, an infusion every month that would restore the needed amount of antibodies to fight off infections and other diseases. I could refuse to have the infusions, live in my house, and never go out. I would still be at greater risk for cancer, and some other illnesses. I loved going to the movies, eating with friends, going shopping, but that meant leaving the house and putting myself at risk to catch diseases.

I went through periods of depression, severe fatigue, mental fog, and felt miserable. My energy level was steadily falling. I couldn’t do the things I use to do. I could not concentrate and reading was difficult.

Being able to do my job became impossible. I worked with people and people could get sick and carry germs. To do my job took concentration and energy which was fading fast. If I wanted to have a life, I needed to make the tough decision of having treatment.

I went for my first infusion and had severe side effects. I ended up being allergic to the solution. I had to wait several months, before trying a different one. This time, I had to drive a distance to a hospital infusion center. I went by myself and went into a room full of chair recliners.

The chairs were in a semi-circle facing the nursing station. There were about fifteen chairs filled with people. Some were getting transfusions of blood, others were given solutions for different diseases like Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, Auto-immune diseases, and Immune disorders. Some infusions took an hour or two. Others took four hours or more.

I had to remain in a room for four to five hours. I had an IV. placed in my arm and had to keep my arm still so I didn’t set off an alarm that was annoying and loud. A nurse had to come over and fix it before the noise would end. Most of the patients slept during their infusions. I, of course, did activities to relieve my boredom and distract me from it all. I never slept during the day and wasn’t about to start now.

It took me a year and a half to work through the denial and grief I felt about having this illness. I grieved because my lifestyle had changed so much. I felt weak, helpless, and defeated. It took me another year to work through my anger.

I had a hard time getting my body in the car to make the trip to the hospital. I would sit in my car before going in. It would take a while to climb the stairs to the hospital. I would carry on a two-way conversation in my head: “I don’t want to.” “You know you have to.” ” It isn’t fair. I’m not doing it.” ” You know you have to if you want to feel better.”

It’s been three years since the first infusion. I am learning more about acceptance. I walk right into the infusion center now. I go every two weeks because I need a slow infusion rate. I’ve been working through my anger. I was angry at God, myself, and the whole world.

I’ve dealt with a lot, on my own, with the infusions.  Therapy has helped me cope more effectively with stress and accepting things I can’t change. I have more good days than bad. In Part Two, I will share a day in the infusion center, and ways I have grown from it all.

Yu/stan/kema

 

Struggling Is What Life Is All About.

18 Sunday Sep 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., photo, Psychology, quote, spirituality, Uncategorized

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about self., Article written by Yu/stan/kema, Being honest about reality., Goals in life., lessonslearnedinlife.com, Photo quote-Daniell Keopke., Reaching goals., self reflection, Struggles In Life., Writing about life

Found on 6-22-16 on lessonslearnedinlife.com. Daniell Keopke. It-makes-you-human.

Found on 6-22-16 on lessonslearnedinlife.com. Daniell Keopke. It-makes-you-human.

 

In first writing this blog, I had to decide whether to show myself as being positive, in control, having all of my ducks in a row, listing my successes, making people feel comfortable, always having people receive something up lifting, or interesting. Or did I want to present myself and life as they both really are: full of struggles and successes; days filled with joy and heartbreaking loneliness and despair; hours of being sure and times of confusion; and battles between trying to be ethical and moral and yet also wanting at times to be selfish? Do I attempt to reflect life as it is with all of its ups and downs, its ugliness and beauty, its conflicts and compromises, or do I paint a picture of life as being all uplifting and wonderful?

I decided to write about what I perceive to be honest, authentic, and real about life. Life flows, it bounces, recedes, expands, starts, and it stops. As for myself, I decided to reveal over time the reality of my existence as a human being through the written word. I write what I perceive as being authentic and real about me or others I have known in a certain moment in time, knowing that I sometimes may not actually know everything in that moment because of human weaknesses, fears, a lack of knowledge, or a lack of courage to deal with an issue.

I am full of contradictions, struggles, and uncertainties, but I also know I’m headed in the right direction and will someday reach my goal of self-actualization and  become one with nature, God, and others. I believe I am meant to “become love” as much as it is possible for me to become that. Every day I work on it. Some days I move forward, or backward, or I maintain for a while. There are times when I am pulled backward by memories of the past, or I am exhausted in the present, but there are also times when I touch joy, love, or I am inspired by others, and I am able to move forward on my journey to reach my goal. Being human slows me down at times.

My goal may be different from the goals of others along the way. Each of us have a journey in life. What matters is what happens on each journey. Each of us determines that, and if we are blessed, others can help guide us towards our goals.

Yu/stan/kema

The Importance Of Time And Attention In Parenting.

14 Saturday May 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Parent Category, Photos, Quotes, spirituality, Uncategorized

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Article written by Yu/stan/kema, Giving your child attention is important., Giving your child quality time enriches both your lives., Pam Leo., Pinterest photo quotes., Zig Ziglar.

Found on Pinterest on 5-13-16.Pam Leo.

Found on Pinterest on 5-13-16.Pam Leo.

LOOKING BACK ON PARENTING.

I often look back, on the first ten years of parenting my son, with happiness. We rarely turned on the TV and spent most of our time together. My son and I spent many hours outdoors gardening. We planted bulbs, bushes, and trees in my back yard. We would pour over the flower catalogues, go to the nurseries and buy what we wanted, and then we’d plant the various flowers and bushes. In the early mornings, we would both get up,  and go out to see which new flowers had bloomed in the night.  I remember the time when my son made a bog. He researched how to make a bog at the library and then did so by himself. He grew water lotus with pink and  yellow flowers the size of my  hand. I never saw anything that was more beautiful than those flowers.

My son and I would walk the dogs, and visit nearby lakes and hike. I taught him the names of the birds and their bird songs, the names of flowers, trees, and bushes. He would read a lot about these topics and then he would teach me what he had learned.

From the time he was about two, I would leave all kinds of paper on the table, bits of fabric, and other materials, water colors, crayons, pencils, scissors, paste, glue, and I would watch him spend long periods of time making artistic creations. He had so much fun.

My son and I would go to the library every week and each of us would carry home lots of books to read. He learned to read early in life because his father and I read to him often. He learned to write poems and stories when he was older.

I taught him how to fish, how to follow the tracks of wildlife in the snow, how to catch a ball with a glove, and how to hit a ball with the bat. We often shot baskets in the driveway, and we played tennis in the park. We had lots of fun chasing butterflies with a net and then studying them. Then we would let them go by releasing them. I never regret those years of spending time with him. It enabled me to watch him grow, up close. He shared his feelings, his thoughts, his knowledge, and his joy.

Activities give a parent an opportunity to teach a child valuable lessons in life, to develop character, and to enjoy life more abundantly. Put away the computers and cell phones and get to know your child by giving him your full attention and quality time.

Yu/stan/kema

Found on Pinterest on 5-13-16 by Zig Ziglar. Ziglar.com.

Found on Pinterest on 5-13-16 by Zig Ziglar. Ziglar.com.

Truth Has A Way Of Stunning You With It’s Power.

20 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., photo, Uncategorized

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Article written by Yu/stan/kema, Lizz White., Pinterest photo, The good and the bad of truth., Truth is powerful.

Found on Pinterest on 3-17-16.. Lizz White.

Found on Pinterest on 3-17-16.. Lizz White.

Truth has a way of dissecting you clean in half. It can come when you are in a deep sleep and slap you awake. It can get you to look at yourself more honestly and bring you face to face with reality. Truth can cause your soul to sing, or it can make you wish you were already dead. It can give you blessings or carve your heart out with a terrible sword. Truth can be your friend or hurt you in unimaginable ways.

Truth winnows the weak from the strong, the just from the unjust, and foolish men from men of wisdom. It can send one to heaven or the deepest parts of hell. It always takes away one’s innocence. A person is never the same after hearing it. Most of the time, Truth is hard to drink and bitter to swallow.

Truth has a way of jerking you out of childhood and throwing you head-long into maturity. Yet, if I had to choose between hearing a lie or hearing the truth, I would always choose to hear the truth. It prevents you from having to face unpleasant surprises in the future. Truth is always a two-edged sword. It must be handled carefully in order to prevent irreversible damage.

Yu/stan/kema

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Therapeutic Relationship: Walking A Tightrope Across Time.

16 Saturday Apr 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Psychology, Uncategorized

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and future issues., Article written by Yu/stan/kema, Communication skills., Dealing with emotions from the past., Dependency issues., Importance of feedback., present issues., therapeutic relationship, trust, Walking a tightrope., Working on past

There is a tightrope being walked when we commit to open up in a therapeutic relationship. Like most relationships, we test the waters to see if it is safe to wade in. If there has been a lot of damage to the heart and soul, it is done carefully over time at a pace we can tolerate. Each of us, therapist and client, bring our own emotional baggage into the room. We try to remain objective, but because of our human weaknesses we are subject to triggers that can open old wounds and create in us anxiety. It is what we do with this anxiety that matters.

We can ignore that our emotional baggage is sitting in the room or try to cut out all awareness of it. We can even ignore it, but that has a way of coming back when we least expect it. Our body tenses or we distance from the other. It is obvious something is off-balance, out of kilter. For those clients who have been abused, they have become skilled in picking up differences in tone of voice, body movement, facial gestures, and are able to sense incongruity. A problem is apt to occur if a client tries to ferret out what the other person is actually feeling, thinking, or meaning. That is why feedback is so important to the therapeutic relationship from both sides. To distance and remain silent gets us no where.

It is only through communication that we reach the heart, mind, and soul of another through verbal and nonverbal cues. The therapist takes on many roles: compassionate listener, safe person, teacher of skills, explorer of inner worlds, mediator, coach, one who confronts, initiator of growth, and others too numerous to list. The therapist has to be aware of inner emotions and responses and yet stay focused on the client’s needs. The well-being of the client comes first.

Walking a tightrope occurs when issues of dependency are addressed. One must first learn it is safe to rely on someone. This is done through repetition. We all do it. It is how we learn to trust. A problem is likely to occur if the client or therapist has anxiety around this issue. The therapist is anxious that dependency might occur, last too long, etc. The client most likely has taken care of herself for most of her life and so is highly sensitive about achieving trust, not being a burden, not having someone understand what it is like to go through life with no one to trust and rely on. The goal is to build interdependence in the client. She can rely on someone when she needs to, but is also able to take care of herself most of the time. So a dance begins, between therapist and client, to sort out and deal with the obstacles that get in the way of that goal without triggering feelings of abandonment. Patience is the key.

Whether or not to focus on past, present, or future issues is also like walking a tightrope. There is so much to cover, so much to be done, and what do you do first? Whatever is most pressing for the client is a good place to start. Trauma needs to be processed. feelings need to be addressed, negative thoughts about self have to be looked at and changed, and dysfunctional interaction patterns need to be understood and dealt with. It is also important to address one’s hope for the future, a purpose for living, a way of building joy in one’s life, so living becomes attractive. The goal is always growth, stretching one’s limits, learning to love one’s self again, making good relationships with others, feeling productive in society, and meeting spiritual needs when the client wants to address them. It takes courage on the part of the therapist and client for progress to occur. The therapist has to know when to push and when to let the client rest, regroup, or have space. It’s like walking a tightrope, but most rewarding when the Therapeutic relationship is a good fit for both therapist and client.

Yu/stan/kema

 

 

 

 

 

Essential Things Found In A Good Therapist.

18 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Psychology, Uncategorized

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Article written by Yu/stan/kema, communication, Consistency., Cooperation in developing treatment plans., Empathy, Essential characteristics in a good therapist., Feedback., flexibility, honesty, Knowledge, mindfulness of self and others., teaching skills

Recently I have thought about: what characteristics within a therapist help the therapeutic process become more productive and enriching for the client. Having been a therapist and a client too during my life, I feel I am able  to see this from a different perspective.

The characteristics that have been most helpful for me in a therapist have been: honesty; flexibility; the ability to communicate well both verbally and non-verbally; a willingness to give feedback; the determination to put the needs of the client first, and making it a priority to come up with a treatment plan together for the client; the capacity to feel empathy; the ability to teach specific skills that the client needs to know; the ability of a therapist to be aware of his/her own reactions and emotions in the therapeutic encounter, and the ability to deal with it effectively; and the ability to be consistent with rules, boundaries, and presence when with a client.

First, I believe it is essential to be honest in the therapeutic relationship. If a client needs to be confronted about something, it is the therapist’s job to do this in a kind, appropriate way. Avoiding conflict, or being fearful of hurting someone else’s feelings does not help the client or therapist grow. A therapist who lies to a client and says he/she will do something and does not follow through with it, is harmful in many ways. It’s hard for the client to develop trust when that occurs.

Second, flexibility is important in a therapist. The therapist needs to be willing to change the agenda for the session if it seems important to the client that he/she do so. The therapist needs to be willing to work with the client when scheduling an appointment. Be flexible with therapeutic approaches. If a technique or theory isn’t working, throw it aside and try a different one. Life changes and so does the client’s needs. If the client has ideas, listen to him/her. Most often the client has within him/herself what is needed to get well. The therapist must also be able to assert him/herself when he/she is convinced the focus needs to be on thoughts instead of emotions or vice versa. The therapist must be able to teach skills that will enable the client to reduce the intensity of emotions before leaving  the session.

Third, being able to communicate well verbally and non-verbally is important. It has always been strange to me for a therapist to present his/herself as being totally neutral without emotion, thought, or action in therapy. That doesn’t work well in other relationships in the real world. I believe the teaching of social skills is one of the main goals in therapy. The therapist can’t achieve that with one-sided conversations. Communication, by its very nature, is about giving feedback. Many client’s in therapy have attachment problems. Parents sometimes fail to mirror back to the child who he/she is. Clients need affirmations. They need to know how they are coming across to others. Without correct feedback, they will never know.

Fourth, doing the treatment plan with a client is very helpful, because the therapist shows the client that he validates and values the client’s ideas. The client becomes more aware of what is happening inside him/herself, and takes a more active role in therapy and assumes more responsibility for making progress.

Fifth, empathy let’s the client know he/she is heard, is valued, and that who and what he/she is, matters to someone in this world. It improves communication and helps build rapport and trust.

Sixth, every client comes to therapy to learn new skills to help him navigate the world in a more productive way. If the therapist doesn’t have the knowledge or skills to enable the client to help himself, the relationship is not a good fit.

Seventh, the therapist needs to be aware and able to deal with his/her own emotional reactions in therapy in order to be objective, fair, just, and it helps the therapist stay honest, focused on the client’s needs and welfare. When the therapist is not able to separate his stuff from the client’s, problems occur.

Eighth, consistency is what helps a client see the therapist can be relied upon and it is what enables trust to grow. It also encourages the client’s development of hope and faith in the world. If the therapist is constantly changing rules, boundaries, and goals, safety is very difficult to  achieve. Anxiety grows as well as frustration in the client. The therapist’s presence influences therapy. If the therapist is always presenting him/herself in different ways, problems occur. If the therapist presents as warm, then removed and distant, or fails to be aware and attentive of the client’s needs on a regular basis, transference occurs and makes therapy more difficult to work through and trust to develop.

I have had therapy when these characteristics were present and when they were not. They really made a difference in the quality of the therapeutic relationship and the amount of progress made. It also determined how much anxiety was created in the therapist as well as in the client.

Yu/stan/kema

 

Book Review: ” The Betrayal Bond. Breaking Free Of Exploitive Relationships.” Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.

13 Sunday Dec 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, Psychology, Uncategorized

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Article written by Yu/stan/kema, Book review, Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships., Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., psychology, The Betrayal Bond.

In The Betrayal Bond. Breaking Free Of Exploitive relationships, Dr. Carnes has written an excellent book about betrayal in all areas of life: domestic relationships, the work place, the church, friendships, litigation, schools, kidnapping and hostage situations, and other dysfunctional relationships. Betrayal has many faces: children being abused or neglected in the home, domestic violence, discrimination of employees and the breaking of agreements and promises made by upper management, sexual exploitation of employees, bullying and abuse of students, sexual abuse by church leaders, friends betraying best friends, cheating spouses, police brutality, abuses in the legal system, hostage takers playing mind games with their victims and making promises they don’t keep, and others too numerous to list.

This book is easy to read, understand, and apply to one’s every day life. Dr. Carnes defines betrayal as a breach of trust. A victim finds out he has been lied to, manipulated, or exploited by someone else. What he believed to be true is really false. The betrayer hurts someone who is loyal to him. A bond forms between the two entities. Fear keeps the victim in the relationship because of perceived losses, if he leaves. This can be the loss of a job, money, status, affection, protection, security, long-term relationships, the admiration of others, and the loss of self-respect.

Fear of abandonment as a child makes a person more likely to fall into a betrayal bond later in life. Past trauma can make one more vulnerable to being betrayed. After a while, the needs and well-being of the betrayed is sacrificed for the happiness of the other. Addiction to the betrayal bond can develop. Dr. Carnes writes: “Betrayal becomes trauma when fear and terror are present and the body shifts into an ‘alarm state.’ ” The person betrayed feels unsafe and anxiety is produced as he remains in the relationship. To stay creates pain, to go creates more pain.

Signs that one may be in a betrayal bond are: Constantly trying to explain to the betrayer that the victim is good, not bad;  that it is all the victim’s fault, and shame is felt for failing to live up to the other’s expectations; loss of self-trust and self-esteem; continuing to believe the betrayer will change as promises are still being broken; denial about how bad things are going; lying and justifying the behavior of the betrayer; inability to detach from the relationship that others see as toxic; the betrayal bond is intense and there is an imbalance of power in the relationship; and the victim longs for and misses the relationship after the other has left.

Dr. Carnes believes that if a victim wants to recover from a betrayal bond, he has to: confront his denial; stop lying to himself and others about what is really going on; stop justifying harmful behaviors done by the betrayer; redevelop trust in himself and build trust with others; and learn to let go of the relationship. This is difficult to do if much time, energy and money has been given to the relationship.1 ( Continued in Part Two.)

Yu/stan/kema

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1 Carnes,Ph.D, Patrick J. 1977. The Betrayal Bond. Breaking Free Of Exploitive Relationships. Deerfield Beach, Florida. Health Communications, Inc.

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