As human beings, we experience hurt on a regular basis. Life is filled with good days and days that are difficult to get through. We experience hurt when we are betrayed; when entities and people do not live up to our expectations; when we rely on others who fail to meet our needs; and when we feel disrespected by others. We feel pain, and we hurt.

When we are not appreciated for what we accomplish, or what we are as a person, the pain can be overwhelming. When our families do not support us, or the Church we belong to does not, or when we feel God has abandoned us, or our bodies and intellect fail us, and we lack self-acceptance, we can feel our world  imploding before our very eyes. We can be hurt by the actions and words of others, but we can feel unbearable pain when we do not accept ourselves as fallible human beings and  become our worst critic.

Forgiveness, I believe is a process. There is no time limit attached to it when forgiveness reaches a point where we can recognize it as finding closure. Children who grew up in an abusive situation carry a great deal of shame and guilt for not being able to feel closure about what happened to them. Some of this is due to the trauma of what happened and the denial they may feel about what occurred. We all want to have wonderful parents, but some of us did not have them. It is unfair to judge those who have not found closure yet. We did not endure what they lived through.

I believe there are levels of forgiveness. I also believe that God wants us to work on it. In the Bible, it talks about forgiving over and over someone who has sinned against us. God understood it to be a mindset, this thing called forgiveness. We must be willing to try to forgive. God knew it required processing emotions, thoughts, actions, self-examination, and making an attempt to understand what was happening in the mind and heart of those who hurt us. That takes time. It requires courage, compassion, self-reflection, and acceptance of what we did or did not do. Sometimes,  we must accept our own human weaknesses and limitations in order to forgive them in others.

Forgiveness not only helps those who have hurt us to move on with their lives, but it also enables us to be able to find peace again and get on with our lives. Forgiveness can mean being willing to wish the other well, but let them go. It can mean staying in a relationship and setting limits, and still interact with that person. It can also mean being committed to the process of working on it, so one day you can let go, but keeping space between you so you can work on it.

There will be times when God’s help and support will be needed in order for you to work on forgiveness. The reason forgiveness is so important is, it sets us free from resentment, hatred, anger, and revenge. It frees us up to embrace joy, peace, love, compassion, and express gratitude and hope.

Yu/stan/kema