In first writing this blog, I had to decide whether to show myself as being positive, in control, having all of my ducks in a row, listing my successes, making people feel comfortable, always having people receive something up lifting, or interesting. Or did I want to present myself and life as they both really are: full of struggles and successes; days filled with joy and heartbreaking loneliness and despair; hours of being sure and times of confusion; and battles between trying to be ethical and moral and yet also wanting at times to be selfish? Do I attempt to reflect life as it is with all of its ups and downs, its ugliness and beauty, its conflicts and compromises, or do I paint a picture of life as being all uplifting and wonderful?

I decided to write about what I perceive to be honest, authentic, and real about life. Life flows, it bounces, recedes, expands, starts, and it stops. As for myself, I decided to reveal over time the reality of my existence as a human being through the written word. I write what I perceive as being authentic and real about me or others I have known in a certain moment in time, knowing that I sometimes may not actually know everything in that moment because of human weaknesses, fears, a lack of knowledge, or a lack of courage to deal with an issue.

I am full of contradictions, struggles, and uncertainties, but I also know I’m headed in the right direction and will someday reach my goal of self-actualization and  become one with nature, God, and others. I believe I am meant to “become love” as much as it is possible for me to become that. Every day I work on it. Some days I move forward, or backward, or I maintain for a while. There are times when I am pulled backward by memories of the past, or I am exhausted in the present, but there are also times when I touch joy, love, or I am inspired by others, and I am able to move forward on my journey to reach my goal. Being human slows me down at times.

My goal may be different from the goals of others along the way. Each of us have a journey in life. What matters is what happens on each journey. Each of us determines that, and if we are blessed, others can help guide us towards our goals.

Yu/stan/kema