Good-bye is one of the hardest words to say. We hate for things to change, for people to change. There is always a fear of abandonment in us, because with our entrance into the world, we have to leave a warm, safe environment in the womb. In our mother’s uterus, we hear the reassuring beat of her heart, the gentle rocking of our body when she moves, the amniotic fluid constantly holding us secure, and keeping us warm. We sleep, we dream in a serene  and peaceful place. We are nourished in a continual fashion. We are one with her. She is the source of all we need.

We come out of the womb into a world of frightening sounds and sights. The air is cold on our skin. Rough towels rub our tender skin, voices are loud. We experience fear, confusion, pain, and separation. We learn what abandonment feels like. The time we spend with our mother is limited and becomes shorter as time goes on. Being left with others teaches us what good-bye means. For the rest of our lives people come and people go, and with each good- bye we grieve. We learn, the only thing constant in our lives is our own selves.

The following poem illustrates this so beautifully:

Yu/stan/kema

 

AFTER A WHILE.

After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren’t contracts

And presents aren’t promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child.

And you learn

To build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is

Too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way

Of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn

That you really can endure

That you are really strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn

With every good-bye you learn.

VERONICA A. SHOFFSTALL.