This poem was written at a very difficult time in my life, almost two years ago. I am at a different place now for which I am grateful. It was a time of internal conflict between opposite sets of emotions and thoughts. It was before I learned the skills of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

INTERNAL CONFLICT

Frustration grows within my heart.

I am filled with several emotions.

Love emerges like a long forgotten song

That I have lost the lyrics to.

Fear is always there lurking in every corner,

Hiding behind every tattered bush

That grows within my battle-scarred mind.

It colors my world completely, this need for safety.

It is found in every breath I take,

Every word I utter, every song I dare to sing.

It resides in every heartbeat, and

In every step I make, in every effort to relate.

Fear covers my life like a dark shroud.

I can barely raise my head or take a breath.

 

Enough of this!

I want to feel the rain upon my face,

The sun’s  warmth on my cold skin,

And feel  grass beneath my feet.

I want to hear a baby’s  laugh,

A girl shout with unbridled joy,

And feel safe within a warm embrace.

I want to hear words  with tenderness,

Cry tears  wiped with  loving hands.

I want my name spoken with gladness.

I want to trust you with my mind and heart.

I want to know you see the good in me.

Please, teach me how to love myself

and find the courage to live again    

Yu/stan/kema