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REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART AND SOUL

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REFLECTIONS OF A MINDFUL HEART  AND SOUL

Monthly Archives: August 2015

Ricky Raccoon Learns a Lesson About Stealing. Part Four.

31 Monday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Stories

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Breaking the rules., Lesson about stealing., Part Four., Ricky Raccoon., Story by Yu/stan/kema., the Chive.com, Worlds-cutest-raccoons.

Worlds-cutest -raccoons-26-the -chive.com. Found on Google on 8-30-15.

Worlds-cutest -raccoons-26-the chive.com. Found on Google on 8-30-15.

Ricky was busy. He went around visiting his friends and talked four raccoons into going with him. They were frightened and afraid to break the rules, but Ricky was confident and sure of himself. He said, the other raccoons would see them as heroes.

Found on Google on 8-13-15. The chive-com-raccoons. Worlds -cutest- raccoons.

Found on Google on 8-13-15. The chive.com-raccoons. Worlds cutest- raccoons.

The raccoons went in the dead of  night. Their dark masks made them look like the thieves they were. They crossed over on to the land of the humans and raided their corn fields. Ricky ate some of the corn. It was so delicious, he could not stop. Greed filled his eyes. His friends were eating it too. They carried some of the corn to take back to the community. Just as they started the trip home, some coon dogs caught their scent and barked.

The noise shattered the quiet night. Doors banged, shotguns were loaded, and boots hit the ground running. The raccoons were frightened and could feel their hearts thumping in their chest.They took off running for home, but they had eaten so much corn and carried a heavy load. It all slowed them down. Two of Ricky’s friends were shot and died in the fields. Two of them got away, but Ricky did not feel good about it. They made it home with some ears of corn, but they were filled with grief over the death of their friends. The humans crossed over into the land of the raccoons and started shooting in to the trees. The raccoons scattered until the humans left.

The next morning, the raccoon community had a meeting. They wanted to throw Ricky and his friend out of the group to live elsewhere. The raccoons were angry that the laws had been broken and two of them were dead as a result of Ricky’s disobedience. The theft of corn had endangered the lives of the whole community.

The raccoon King could see the grief in Ricky’s eyes and his tears. He said,” You have broken our rules, involved your friends in stealing, and two have died. I think you have been punished enough. You will have to carry this for the rest of your lives.” Ricky bowed his head to the wise King.

He left the meeting, feeling great sadness and remorse. Last night taught him a valuable lesson: There is always a good reason for a boundary. Rules that are made are always there to keep the raccoons safe. Stealing always carries a price tag. For him it was the death of two of his friends.

Yu/stan/kema

Ricky Raccoon Learns A Lesson About Stealing. Part Three.

30 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Home:, photo, Stories

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Tags

Lesson on stealing, Moving in with friends, Part Three, Photo found on Google., Raccoon community rules., Ricky Raccoon., the Chive.com, Worlds-cutest-raccoons.

Found on Google on 8-13-15. The chive-com-raccoons. Worlds -cutest- raccoons.

Found on Google on 8-13-15. The chive.com-raccoons. Worlds  raccoons.

The raccoon community had very few rules, but the rules they had were there for a reason. They usually had to do with the survival of the group. All of the raccoons were told by the elders not  to steal from the Humans. They could fish the creeks and ponds, hunt the marshes,  and climb trees for nuts. They could catch insects and dig for worms, but they could not enter the land belonging to the humans. They were never to steal from them. It was forbidden.

The Fall months were fast approaching and the male raccoons were leaving their mothers to live in groups. They were beginning to notice the female raccoons and wanted to attract some one special and impress their peers with their strength, their ability to provide food, and their intelligence.

Ricky had already decided to form a group with three of his friends. They intended to live together in the woods. They climbed up the surrounding trees and decided on an oak tree that had two hollowed out places, one right above the other. This would be their new home they agreed. They could use one space for shelter and the other to store food for the winter.

Now, Ricky wanted fame and he wanted respect. Most of all,  he wanted to win over the prettiest female in the community. He knew the only way he could do this and achieve his objectives was to do something unheard of. He thought for a while and decided he would cross the boundaries into the land of the humans and steal their corn. He had smelled the corn before and other raccoons said the corn tasted good. His mouth watered just thinking about it. ” That corn belongs to me,” he said. ( Continued in Part Four.)

Yu/stan/kema

Ricky Raccoon Learns A Lesson About Stealing. Part Two.

30 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Stories

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Tags

Audubon Society of Portland, Feeding grounds., Jim Cruce., Lesson on stealing, Part Two., Photos found using Google., Raccoon food., Ricky Raccoon., Story by Yu/stan/kema., wikipedia.org.

            

Found on Google. raccoon_procyon_lotor_2-wikipedia. org. on 8-13-15.

Found on Google. raccoon_procyon_lotor_2-wikipedia. org. on 8-13-15.

Months passed, and Ruby watched her son grow into a handsome raccoon. His coat was gray, his face was white, and his ears were small and rounded. A mask of black fur grew around his eyes. He was growing in size. His body was about sixteen inches long and his bushy tail added another eight inches in length. Ricky weighed about fifteen pounds. His  mother made sure he had plenty to eat and Ruby spoiled him. Her grief for his litter mates, who had died before he was born, made her love him more fiercely and sometimes too much.

Found on Google on 8-13-15. Jim Cruce. Raccoons. Audubon Society of Portland.

Found on Google on 8-13-15. Jim Cruce. Raccoons. Audubon Society of Portland.

Ricky grew up feeling entitled to everything around him and he had problems respecting the rights of other raccoons. His mother knew this, but her love for him made her blind to his weaknesses. He loved to stand on his hind legs and watch the world around him. He was proud of his front paws which had non-retractable claws. They were very sensitive and touch was important to him. Ricky’s front paws looked like hands with fingers but no thumb. The fingers could unscrew lids and douse food in the water and clean it. He was intelligent and could figure out how to solve problems quickly using his agile front paws.

Ricky loved to go down to the feeding grounds. He would eat, sleep, and play with the other raccoons. They would explore the woods and go down to the creek to catch fish and wash them. It was so exciting to find frogs, hunt for bird’s eggs, and eat worms and insects. He and his friends would bring back some of the food to the community and try to impress the female raccoons.

Raccoons in the wild are lucky if they live more than a few years. They usually die from harsh winters of starvation or freeze to death. They also die from being hunted and shot by humans. ( Continued in Part three).

Yu/stan/kema

Ricky Raccoon Learns A Lesson About Stealing. Part One of Four.

30 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in photo, Stories

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Tags

Gary Seloff., Google+ photo., Grief for the loss of three raccoons, John Michael Garcia., Part one, Raccoon Family, Ricky Raccoon., Ruby Raccoon., Story by Yu/stan/kema., Story of Mother and son raccoon., The birth of her son., The birth.

Ruby Raccoon and her son, Ricky.

Found on Google+ on 8-10-15. Gary Seloff. John Michael Garcia.

Found on Google+ on 8-10-15. Gary Seloff. John Michael Garcia.

Ruby was a gray raccoon with a black mask across her eyes. There was some red hair in her dense fur. She was going to give birth to her kit in the spring. Ruby was looking forward to talking with her relatives when they met in the forest clearing for their monthly meetings. She couldn’t wait to tell them about the four little raccoons moving inside her body. Ruby wanted to find out who else would be giving birth in the spring, and ask others where the best places were for catching fish after the ice broke. This would be her first litter. Her front paws loving touched the bulge in front of her body.

Ruby lived in a tall oak tree in the forest. The tree had a large hollowed out space, carved by Mother Nature. It was so deep that it stayed warm and dry when it rained. It was just the right place for her to wait until Spring. She closed her eyes and slept deeply and dreamed of the wee ones growing inside her. She knew they would be welcomed with joy and excitement by the other raccoons in the community.

Spring came early and the snows had receded. The hollow was warm from the heat given off from Ruby’s body. It was telling her the baby raccoons were about to come. She looked up as her sister entered the den. “It’s time,” she said. The long, hard labor was getting to Ruby. She was tired and counted three babies. She nuzzled two of them and got no response. She kept on licking them. They were girls but they were still. She moved to the third raccoon in the litter and licked it. Over and over she licked the lifeless raccoon until her sister stopped her. Her heart was breaking with grief. She would never get to watch them grow. Her sister said, “Ruby, you must rest,” and she carried the baby raccoons out to a special place in the forest while Ruby slept.

When her sister returned, she found Ruby in labor again. Out came the baby raccoon. She looked down at him and heard soft, bird like twittering sounds. Her heart grew large with joy. She licked him until he was clean. She moved close to him and he started to nurse. Ruby looked at him with tenderness and said, ” Your name shall be Ricky, Ricky Raccoon.” She smiled with pride at her new-born son. ( Continued in Part Two ).

Yu/stan/kema

Angels Are Around Us.

28 Friday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Parent Category, Photos, Poetry, Psychology, spirituality

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Tags

Angels, children, Compassion., Giving of the self., God's love, Google+ photo., Maciej Markiewicz., Paying attention., Pinterest picture., poetry by Yu/stan/kema, spirituality, Take time.

          ANGELS ARE AROUND US

Found on Pinterest on 3-3-15. Angels among us. Patricia Bratt. Pinned from iamachild.wordpress.com.

Found on Pinterest on 3-3-15. Angels among us. Patricia Bratt. Pinned from iamachild.wordpress.com.

It only takes a little time

To ease the ache in someone’s heart.

It only takes a touch or two

When someone’s world is ripped apart.

It takes a gentle soul to know

The words to say that soothes the hurt

Felt deep within a wounded child

When others laugh and they are curt.

It only takes a moment now

To bow the head and say a prayer,

“Jesus keep her safe from harm

And show her love is everywhere.”

It takes a second in your day

To give a smile and say hello.

A child will show you gratitude

And she will change more than you know.

I saw this for myself today

When someone gave what she could give

To a small child who’d lost her way.

She gave her skills so she could live.

It was done with a kind heart

And gently so that few could see

She was intent to give God’s love

To a small child and set her free.

Yu/stan/kema

Found on Google + on 5-1-15. Maciej Markiewicz. Rainy day in Schwarzwaldo..

Found on Google + on 5-1-15. Maciej Markiewicz. Rainy day in Schwarzwaldo..

Book Review: ” Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled.” Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell. Part Two.

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, Psychology, quote

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Betrayal blindness, Betrayal of children, Betrayal Trauma., Book review, couples, families, Fooling ourselves., institutional and societal betrayals., Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell., psychology

Freyd and Birrell  emphasize in their book, Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled, that unawareness is useful when information is too dangerous to know. Being blind to betrayal protects us. Our status quo remains the same if we do not know, and making hard decisions is put off for a while. There is a downside to being blind. We risk being revictimized and we risk a loss of self-esteem. Others can be victimized if we do not speak of the betrayal. Shame plays a part in keeping us silent. Telling others is risky, but you take back your power when you do. There is a chance for hope and justice when we speak. Betrayal blindness is not seeing what is in front of our faces. Others can see what we do not. Freyd and Birrell write that “betrayal blindness requires being in the dual state of simultaneously knowing and not knowing something important.”1  The mind does not process the information correctly because the losses are too overwhelming at the time. We need to see the world as a safe place. We need to trust people and we need stability in our lives. It makes sense for us to block awareness.

When children are betrayed, it is usually by being abandoned and left helpless, being rejected, or someone withdrawing love. Betrayal means to a child, ” I am not important, I am a zero in the eyes of others.” Freyd and Birrell  state that the child handles betrayal by turning the blame inward and blaming himself or not allowing himself to be consciously aware something is happening. This allows him to remain attached to the abuser.

Betrayal blindness often occurs in couples where one is unfaithful to the other, writes Freyd and Birrell.. To know is to disrupt the marriage, damage the security of the family, and destroy trust. To know you’ve been betrayed is wanting to withdraw or confront the betrayer. Domestic violence in the home can make these reactions risky.

Freyd and Birrell  state that betrayal blindness also occurs in institutions and society. Some examples I can think of are: working at a job where your contract is not honored, or being harassed by your boss or another employee. To speak up may mean losing your job, making others angry, or to be told you are overreacting. It may be impossible to leave because you have a family to take care of, or you lack skills, so you remain silent and start being blind to survive.  Another example of institutional betrayal is a child, in need of care, is sent to a foster home where she is sexually abused. An example of being betrayed by Society is: You are black. You are told you have equal rights and protection under the law. You are stopped by the police while driving and when you try to explain something to them, you are shot.

Freyd and Birrell do an excellent job in covering the topic of betrayal and how it affects others. I enjoyed reading this book.

Yu/stan/kema

_________________________________________________________________

1 Freyd, Jennifer and Birrell, Pamela. 2013. Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled. Hoboken, New Jersey. John Wiley and Sons, Inc.

Book Review: “Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled,” by Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell. Part One.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, Psychology

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Betrayal blindness, Betrayal of children, Book review, child abuse, Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell., Part one, psychology, trauma

This book, on betrayal and how it affects the lives of those who have gone through this kind of trauma, is well-written and interesting to read. It deals not only with the betrayal of children who have been abused by their caregivers, but it also covers betrayals of couples, families, institutions, and society.

Freyd and Birrell write about the reasons why betrayal trauma is so hard to recover from and  how it leaves us with wounds that can last a life-time. The victim deals with the trauma of the event as well as the trauma that occurs to a person’s sense of safety and security, and self-esteem. A victim’s value system is torn upside down and everything he once believed was true is proved to be untrue. Betrayal attacks the very foundation that makes us who we are. It damages our bodies, our minds, and our spiritual beings.

For a child, a parent is there to attend to his needs and do for him what he cannot do for himself. A parent’s job is  to love him, brag on him, be reliable, and trust worthy. A parent teaches a child all about good relationship skills, that the world is a safe place most of the time, and goodness can be found around him. This builds the basic building blocks for a successful life.

When a child is sexually abused, his sense of security, safety, trust, reliability, goodness, and self-identity is severely damaged. He learns that pain occurs often for no good reason, that no one cares for him or his needs, that he needs to be watchful and protect himself any way he can, that he is there to take care of the needs of others, that his body is not his, that evil exists in his world and in his place of refuge, and he is told to not tell, to not cry by the abuser. Down inside, he knows something is wrong so he blames himself for not being good enough, for not being smart enough, or strong enough to get away. It must all be his fault. Somehow, he messed up or this wouldn’t be happening to him.

His perception of his external and internal reality becomes distorted and confusing. If he can’t get away physically, he will take his mind some place away from the abuse. There is damage done to his body and  the normal  development of his sexuality. It would make sense if he feels depressed, anxious, has poor self-esteem, feels confused, acts out his anger and fear, and can’t trust any one. It makes sense that in order to protect himself, he would not withdraw or confront his abuser who is bigger and allocates the resources he needs to keep alive. To deny his reality, to forget what has happened, helps him remain safe and lowers the anxiety. No child wants to see his parent as a monster because that would make him a monster too, so he thinks. There is safety in denial, forgetting, dissociation, and other defensive mechanisms he can use.

The draw back to this, Freyd and Birrell write, is the abused may not be able to discuss the injustice if they continue to forget and deny what happened to them. Freyd and Birrell define betrayal blindness as ” not seeing, systematically, important instances of treachery and injustice being done which ultimately results in negative consequences.” 1 ( Continued in part two).

Yu/stan/kema

__________________________________________________________________

1 Freyd, Jennifer and Birrell, Pamela. 2013. Blind To Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled. Hoboken, New Jersey. John Wiley and Sons, Inc.

Book Review: ” Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse,” by Jennifer J. Freyd.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Article., Books, photo, Psychology, quote

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Tags

Betrayal Trauma., Book review, child abuse, Forgetting., Jennifer J. Freyd., photo, Psychology.

Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

Found on free classics 110111 on 11-04-14.

This book was written by Jennifer J. Freyd in 1996 when there was a fierce debate going on between professionals whether children were really sexually abused by adults or were they having false memories about what happened to them when undergoing therapy as adults. Were they influenced by therapists to unearth the past and make incorrect assumptions about the incidents recalled? The False Memory Movement was really stirring things up in the 1990’s.

Freyd quotes many studies that were done regarding forgetting, repression, traumatic amnesia, and dissociation. She gives definitions for these kinds of forgetting. She discusses defense mechanisms used by survivors of child sexual abuse. She writes about the three general patterns of traumatic recall, and the three primary motivations for repression: avoidance of pain, avoidance of being overwhelmed, and avoidance of unacceptable wishes. Freyd adds a fourth: the avoidance of information that threatens a necessary attachment. She  lists predictors of when abuse is most likely to be forgotten, and she  refers to Type one and Type two traumas. Freyd describes Van der Kolk’s Model of The Effects Of Emotional Arousal on Declarative Memory. She leads the reader through the different kinds of memory.

Her focus in the book is to present Betrayal Trauma Theory. She believes that traumas which involve betrayal leave serious wounds in the victims. That the traumas more likely to be forgotten are those in which betrayal is a fundamental component.”The more a victim is dependent on the perpetrator, the more power the perpetrator has over the victim in a trusted and intimate relationship, the more the crime is one of betrayal. Betrayal by a trusted caregiver is the core factor in determining amnesia.”1

She writes that a child wants to avoid pain (psychological as well as physical.) Pain is a motivator for changing one’s behavior in order to survive. Yet if a child changes his behavior, the perpetrator can become angry and threatening if the child tries to avoid contact or run away.  The threat to survival is real, so information blockage occurs in the child. The perpetrator, if a parent, has power to give out food, shelter, clothes, and other necessities. Without these, the child cannot survive. Other issues are involved as well. If a child must face the reality that his caregiver does the unthinkable to him, how does that affect his perception of the world as a safe place to live? What does such betrayal do to his concept of self-worth and competence? If his caregiver  sexually abuses him, there is shame, and if he fights against the abuse and is labeled “a bad child,” what does that do to his spiritual self? It makes perfect sense for a child not to remember, to deny what is happening so that dissociation and amnesia occurs. This is an interesting book to read.

Yu/stan/kema

__________________________________________________________________

1 Freyd, Jennifer J. 1996. Betrayal Trauma: The Logic Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Cambridge, Mass. Harvard University Press.

What A World This Could Be.

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, quote, spirituality

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Dreams, faith, Franci Vender., friendship, giving, Google+ photo., Joy, life, love, Making our world better., pinterest picture quote, poetry by Yu/stan/kema, truth

Found on Google+ on 8-10-15. Franci Vender.

Found on Google+ on 8-10-15. Franci Vender.

I Sing A Song Of Dreams.

One nation coming together

To protect the rights of all.

One nation working as one

To ensure freedom and dignity

For every man, woman, and child.

I Sing A Song Of Truth.

Each individual finding his own

Inner beauty inside himself.

Each person telling another

His story, his thoughts, his feelings

And finding true acceptance.

I Sing A Song Of Love.

All men reaching out to heal

And protect those around them.

Each one making it a priority to

Meet the needs of each man,

Woman, and child before him.

I Sing A Song Of Joy.

All people taking the time to

Notice and appreciate their blessings.

Each person seeing the love of God

In every face, tree, and bird

And taking the time to thank Him.

Found on Pinterest on 7-28-15.

Found on Pinterest on 7-28-15.

I Sing A Song Of Faith.

 All kinds of religions kneeling down

 To honor and give voice against evil.

  All people willing to accept

  And embrace each man’s right

  To worship God as he sees fit.

I Sing a Song Of Friendship.

 Each man, woman, and child finding

Someone they can rely on and trust in.

 Each one gaining strength and

 Support from others to become

 All God wants them to be.

I Sing A Song Of Giving.

 People reaching out to give

 Joy in the lives of others.

 People seeking to renew

 And heal the brokenhearted

 And those who have lost hope.

I Sing A Song Of Life.

 Each man, woman, and child enjoying

 The wonders all around them.

 Each one finding a reason for living,

 A friend worth loving, hope to sustain them,

 And a strong faith to uphold them.

Yu/stan/kema.

Finding The Way To Peace.

13 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by Yu/stan/kema in Photos, Poetry, quote, spirituality

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

"Footpath To Peace", Facebook timeline photo, Finding peace., Good therapy .org., Jan Poloni., poetry by Henry Van Dyke., The Awakening.

Found on Facebook Timeline on Aug. 5, 2015. Shared by Good therapy.org.

Found on Facebook Timeline on Aug. 5, 2015.
Shared by Good therapy.org.

In the next few weeks, I am going to make a commitment to myself to stay off of my computer. I love to write so this is going to be difficult. Sometimes it is wise, I believe, to go back to the old ways of communicating and being. To communicate with nature, others, my dogs, God, and myself without the use of artificial communication. When I write on the computer using one finger, it takes a long time for me to get every thing the way I want. So things get neglected. It almost feels like an addiction.

My favorite poet of all the poets is Henry Van Dyke. He wrote a poem that speaks to me at this time of my life. I need to renew my soul-nourish it. I leave you with his words as I go on my quest for peace.

Yu/sta/kema.

The Footpath To Peace

To be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.

To be satisfied with your possessions but not contented with yourself until you have made the best of them.

To despise nothing in the world except for falsehood and meanness, and to fear nothing except cowardice.

To be governed by your admiration rather than by your disgusts.

To covet nothing that is your neighbor’s except his kindness of heart and gentleness of manners.

To think seldom of your enemies, often of your friends, and every day of Christ;

And to spend as much time as you can, with body and with spirit in God’s out-of-doors.

These are the guideposts on the footpath to peace.

Henry Van Dyke.

Found on http-on-fb-me on Mar. 20, 2015. Jan Poloni Photography. Awakening.

Found on http-on-fb-me on Mar. 20, 2015. Jan Poloni Photography. Awakening.

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