, , , ,

Google+. Found on 1-20-15. Boat, clouds by Fizz Lee.

Google+. Found on 1-20-15. Boat, clouds by Fizz Lee.

There are times when the heart has a mind of its own. You can use all the tools that you have at your disposal to do the right thing, say the right thing and feel the way you want to feel. We call that maturity.

We want to lead moral lives, be all that we yearn to be, help all the people out there who are hurting and struggling, and we want to  be brave enough to take just one more step. We want to be thoughtful, kind, generous to the world outside of ourselves. We work  hard to keep it all together, to control everything so we do not overwhelm others, or burden others with our tears. We want the respect of others, and we yearn to shine in their eyes.

And yet, in a small corner of ourselves, we sometimes hear a tiny voice struggling to speak. We want to shut it down, crowd it out, or deny its existence because to be strong is everything. But the voice still exists. And if you listen carefully, in the middle of the night when the earth is silent, you can hear these words: “I am afraid of being forgotten. I am afraid that my existence will not matter to others. I am afraid of failing myself and others in the last years of my life. I want and need to be loved by others. I yearn to be cherished by those who love me. I  need  comforting when I feel hurt. I need reassurance when I am lost. I need help when I am sad, and I need to know someone is proud of me.” Sometimes conflicting emotions exist inside my heart.